Archive for 2009

Wednesday One-Liners Go for the Jugular

Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days. –Citi Field Stadium Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed. –St. Mark's Overheard by: jax Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears! –Hunter College Overheard by: Fresh Man Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later? –Willoughby & Vanderbilt

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box

College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer. –113th St & Broadway Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud? –2 Train Overheard by: Anna Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first! –42nd & 6th Overheard by: amalthya Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food! –10th st & 1st Ave

Wednesday Flatliners

Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food. –Williamsburg Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened. –Penn Station Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die! –33rd & Broadway Overheard by: J Harmony Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do? –8th & 34th Overheard by: Bret B Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff! –Uptown A Train Overheard by: The Green Cat

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny 20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan! –50th & 8th Overheard by: camillia* Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge! –St. Mark's Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people. –Lord & Taylor, 39th St Overheard by: mira Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit! –6 Train

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough. –Whole Foods Market, Chelsea Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme) –Penn Station Overheard by: Mickey 20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly! –Washington Square Park Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something. –UA School of Music and Art 20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown. –54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Pedro

Number Four: Mom Jeans?? Really?

Woman, staring at the train subway map: Excuse me, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education.
Woman: No no, how do you get to the 1 train?
Large black guy: Number one, you get an education. Number two, you look at the map. Number three, don't talk to strangers. –Uptown NQRW Overheard by: Knows which strangers not to talk to