Archive for 2009

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter! –Brooklyn Bridge Overheard by: Hi-D Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean. –Key Foods Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then? –32nd & Park Ave Overheard by: Publius Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier. –45th St & Ave of the Americas Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts. –Hudson St Overheard by: Harriet Vane 20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads… –Metro-North Rail Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped? –Thompkins Square Park

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here. –186th St & Bennet Ave Overheard by: Rina Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying! –Grand Central Overheard by: MR T Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer. –Union Square Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together. –Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'! –Greenmarket

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science. –40th & 8th Overheard by: 13Atlantic Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that! –Beaver & William Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered. –AMC 7, East Village Overheard by: agreed Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened. –Bobst Lobby, NYU Overheard by: wow.

Winesday One-Liners

Mom on cell: So, she's a drunkard and you're taking her to a wine tasting? –Park Ave Overheard by: bad idea Snooty hipster to girlfriend: This event is missing two things. One is wine and the other is cheese. –Book Signing, Cobble Hill Man to woman, looking at a wine list: Sure it's good wine. Brandon buys it by the case and takes it fishing. –W Hotel Restaurant Overheard by: Bob Leblaw Crazy MTA employee lady: If you step over the line you will get a fine! And will not be able to dine on all that boxed wine! The fine, it will not be divine! And then you will whine. So don't step over the yellow line! –4 Train Overheard by: also stepped over the line

How Are Wednesday One-Liners Like Network TV, Alex?

Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored. –W 15th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Thompson Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch. –58th St & 9th Ave 11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air. –7 Train Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring! –Bronx Zoo Overheard by: Tyler

Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me. –Lincoln Center, Fordham University Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan! –Fordham Plaza Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please! –A Train Overheard by: Kirstie Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney… –J Train Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me? –34th & 28th