Archive for 2009

Is That Why You and Mommy Have Handcuffs?

Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn't safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don't sit down he's going to take you to jail. Oh look, he's taking out his handcuffs and he's going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)

–Kmart, Astor Place

Where They Don't Even Have Lettuce

(large group of rowdy ghetto teens gets on train, one sits and begins eating a hamburger)
: Yo, why do white people be thinkin' niggas like tomato on they sandwich?

Guy friend: I dunno.
(girl begins throwing lettuce and tomato on the ground)
Old man across the train
: You're disgusting!

Girl: Hey, fuck you!
Guy friend: Yo, he just called you disgusting!
Girl: Well, he can kiss my ass!
Guy friend: Them's fightin' words on my block.
Old man, exiting train: Oh, go back to ghetto, you piece of shit!
Girl: That's exactly where we goin', muthafucker!

–6 Train

Overheard by: ahhh, New York

Learned All About That in College

Woman #1: So, you ever have one of your guy friends crash at your place and then try to make a move on you?
Woman #2: Of course.
Woman #1: I mean, I'm in my bed and he's in the living room on the couch, and suddenly he's there trying to kiss me and slip his hand up my shirt. I was like, “What the hell, dude, I thought you were gay!”
Woman #2: I know. I always kick them out, right there and then.
Woman #3: But sometimes, I'm so drunk, I just go with it, you know?

–Fiddlesticks Bar

Yes, of Course

Attractive 30-something woman: Hi! How have you been?
Aged 40-something man: Good, good. So, are you still married?
Attractive 30-something woman: Yes, of course.
Aged 40-something man: Eh, had to ask.

–Steps On Broadway