Archive for 2009

Maybe It's Time to Stop Reading Courtenay Love's Parenting Guides.

Son to mother sitting at diner: Mom, why am I so small? Am I going to grow?
Mother: Yes, honey, of course you will. You're perfect just the way you are.
(son starts blowing bubbles in his soda and asks mother to start blowing bubbles in his soda too. She starts, then looks around at some people staring at them)
Mother
: You know, I just realized how gross this is.


–Diner, 53rd & 1st

In Her Defense, Most People Totally Suck

20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you… she hates everyone.

–Times Square

Overheard by: sounds like a keeper

Headline by: slowly losing faith in people

Runners-Up:
· “…But It Wouldn’t Hurt to Lose a Little Weight” – ThugAuditor
· “God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally” – The Drifter
· “Now, If You’ll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That” – Jason
· “Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With” – sagert
· “She Doesn’t Discriminate” – beans
· “She Even Hates Life Cereal” – Let’s Get Mikey
· “What I’m Really Trying to Say Is She Won’t Hate You More If We Fuck” – Zak
· “Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again – Threeway?” – been there


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

More Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?

Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn.

–Lower East Side