Archive for 2009

Well, Before the Entrance Exam and the Interview, Yeah

Queer friend to gangsta, enthusiastically: So, lemme ask you a question! How did you decide you wanted to go through with getting initiated and everything?
Gangsta: What?
Queer friend: Like, how did you decide you wanted to join?
(gangsta whispers into friends ear, cautiously)
Queer friend, loudly
: So, that's it? You just walk up to them and say, “hey! I'd like to join the bloods”?


–A Train

You Know They'd Cook With Transubstantiated Fats

20 year-old guy: What if the afterlife and hell exists? I mean if it does, there has to be a society because billions of people would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah…
20 year-old: So that's a lot of people, like a society has to emerge since there can't be that many demons and torturers. You would have like a McDonald's and people working there. (pause) But you could be working there, and it could be every day for an eternity.
Friends: That's so much worse than hell.

–New Jersey Transit, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Because You Steal Kids from Orphanages?

Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like “Oh, she just needs love,” so the mom is like, “yes, you shall be king!”
(entire class is silent)
Random guy
: Wait…what?

Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed.

–Stuyvesant High School