Archive for 2009

Does This Wednesday Go to One-Liner Street?

Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train! –D Line Overheard by: Caitlin Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station. –96th St Station Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train. –Amtrak, Penn Station Overheard by: Rich Mintz Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what? –Transit Museum Overheard by: Rita MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else. –6 Train Station

Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world. –LIRR Overheard by: Danielle Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick! –25th St & 6th Ave Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'. –84th & 2nd Overheard by: Val Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there. –Mount Sinai Hospital Overheard by: and by Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people. –Q Train

Wednesday One-Liners Hang Weird Shit on Their Mirrors

Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger! –Columbus Circle Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs) –Cab, Broadway & Houston Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him? –Battery Park Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video! –Cab, Washington Heights Overheard by: Gene Gray Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid. –Queens Overheard by: Fiasco

Wednesday One-Liners Without Emotional Attachment: Myth or Reality?

Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right? –Norman & Diamond Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude! –W Broadway & 108th St Overheard by: Tess Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp! –5th Ave Overheard by: Rob Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day. –Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!" –Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg Overheard by: Miss Heather Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other. –Foley Square Overheard by: Julio Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with. –Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island

It's Wednesday– Do You Know Who Your One-Liner's With?

Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck. –Union Square West & 16th St Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red! –Herald Square Overheard by: MPW Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman. –Mulberry St Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers. –Broadway & Avenue of the Americas Overheard by: Chuckles Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay? –6 Train Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there! –Times Square Overheard by: John

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean? –Broadway b/w 112th & 113th Overheard by: Ladle Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower. –Penn Station Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea? –1 Train Overheard by: Nathan 20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed. –Washington Square Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again! –Spring St & Crosby St

Wednesdays Will Let Go Of the One-Liners When They're Damn Good and Ready

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the doors are closing, don't throw yourselves at them. –Uptown 6 Train Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, use all train doors. This is not a high school cafeteria line. Use all doors! –C Train Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please. Folks, I am not kidding, stand clear of the closing doors. Unless you like that whole cut-in-half look, then go right ahead and stand in the way. –Uptown A Train Overheard by: queen Conductor: We are not auditioning for any amateur doormen today. Please let go of the closing doors. –1 Train Overheard by: RG Door controller: Ladies and gentlemen, if you keep the doors open we will be here till Christmas. So don't do it. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Vedant Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen in the first car, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Excuse me, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not let the doors close, I will bite you. (doors close) –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: amused passenger