Archive for 2009

I Rock!

Mom: First it will be spring, then summer, then time for you to go to kindergarten.
Four-year-old boy: Will there be nice kids there?
Mom: Are there nice kids at your day care now?
Four-year-old boy: Yeees…
Mom: You're the only bad kid at day care.
Four-year-old boy: I knooow! –Uptown D Train

Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.

Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions? –Bathroom, Columbia University Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave! –87th & Lexington Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing! –Chat N Chew Restaurant Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues. –4 Ttrain Overheard by: Megz Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me. –5 Train

Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole! –Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side Overheard by: globalvillageidiot Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass? –72nd St & Amsterdam Overheard by: Rei Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous! –13th St & University Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them! –1 Train Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back! –52nd & 6th Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

Wednesday One-Liners Kinda Miss Bush's Speeches

President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating? –40th & Madison Ave Overheard by: EScrillz Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word? –42nd St AMC Theatre Overheard by: Steph Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for! –Penn Station Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak. –Fordham Road Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes! –TGI Fridays, Times Square Overheard by: CS Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like. –School of Visual Arts Overheard by: I guess that's English Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated." –Uptown 3 Train Overheard by: Sally Tempo

Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day

Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me… –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: jules Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night. –Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak! –Grand Central Subway Platform Overheard by: djprojexion Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome! –NYC Comic Con Overheard by: RedmanInc Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that. –Fordham Law School

Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner

Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples. –Park Slope Overheard by: Hunter (aka Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples! –Blake St Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations. –Central Park 20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive… –Grand & Eldridge Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them) –41st & 8th Overheard by: S&B at STJ

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a “Job” for Nothin'

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47! –2nd Ave & 5th St Overheard by: Christian Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf. –West 72nd Urban Outfitters Overheard by: Will Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wait, What? 30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day. –Central Park Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking. –87th & 3rd Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick? –Times Square