Archive for 2009

I Still Don't Get Why You Were Pantsless, Though

Asian chick: Really!? Seriously!? That's so rude! I've never had anything like that happen to me before!
Blonde friend: Yeah, I know! What an asshole!
Asian chick: Wait, are you sure? He just fingered you with all those people in the restaurant watching?
(friends laugh)
Asian chick: Wait…what? I don't get it. That's what people say, right? He fingered you. He put his middle finger up.
Brunette friend, still laughing: No, no! He gave her the finger. He did not finger her.
Asian chick: Oh! Wow! I'm so glad I made that mistake now. I would have told everyone that she got fingered tonight. –8th Ave, Chelsea Overheard by: Wondering how anyone makes that mistake…

Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?

Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars?? –Office, 8th Ave Overheard by: kpan Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean? –The Metropolitan Museum Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here? –W 103rd St Overheard by: Emily B. Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water? –Jerome Avenue Line Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train? –Waiting Area, Penn Station Overheard by: Not from New Jersey Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw? –Fisk Building

We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have? –Office Building, 32nd & 7th Overheard by: erkala Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them! –Toys R' Us, Times Square Overheard by: Lotte Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me. –Canal Street Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts! –Ave B Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight. –West 4th Street Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth! –Bryant Park Overheard by: sal b

People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Wednesday One-Liners

Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! –Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights Overheard by: Ja9 Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English! –Crown Heights Overheard by: Holly Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole! –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Alexis Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that? –Union Square Overheard by: Heather Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public. –Duane Reade, 34th & 8th Overheard by: Nicole

We're Not Looking for Any Serious Wednesday One-Liners Right Now

20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me. –Penn Station 8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship? –Bell Academy Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked. –3rd Ave & 37th th Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile. –Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months. –Starbucks, 67 & Columbus Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time. –MacDougal & 7th St Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day. –Upper West Side

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go On

Guy: But that way everyone feels a little more suicidal, and that makes it much more interesting. –Broadway & 9th 85-year-old woman with leathery skin, in neon pink jumpsuit and sunglasses, with cigarette in one hand and cane in the other: I wish that cunt would just fucking kill herself! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: kyle Woman to son, as they look at street vendors' wares: Oh, and do you have the number for the suicide hotline? –Prince & Mulberry Upper West Side suit to friend: And I was like, "but I've worn that four times, I can't wear that again. I'd just have to kill myself!" –Broadway & 104th St Overheard by: Cat Man, to the tune of "Lean on Me": Sometimes in our lives/we want to jump right out the window… –DUMBO, Brooklyn Overheard by: amused Toddler: Mommy, you make me suicidal! –Roosevelt Island Bus

Meet the Wednesday One-Liners Who Wrecked the Economy

Suit on cell: I mean, imagine our mothers in Playboy… –Borders, Penn Station Overheard by: I'd Rather Not 50-something suit to others: Ya, we sold ten bags of herb and made $100. –Wall St & William St Overheard by: Mike D Suit on cell: Hey, mom! Ma! 7 cents! You owe me 7 cents! –5th Ave & 22nd St Overheard by: Katie 30-something suit to hot female: I can't reassure you about your body while we're in bed, because that would imply that there's something going on between us. –W Broadway & Houston Man in suit: Every day I try to do something out of my comfort zone, like hanging out with you. –Broadway & Murray St