Archive for 2009

Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl! –22nd St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Tigertail Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it! –14th St & University Place Overheard by: Bee Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow! –Union Square Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike! –9th St & 50th St Overheard by: EmGusk Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety! –St. Mark's & Ave A Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism

A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead. –83rd & Amsterdam Overheard by: EthanK Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks. –The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad! –Columbia Law School Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples! –23rd b/w 4th & 5th Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes. –Restaurant, Columbus Ave Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right? –Stuyvesant High School

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: It's at the point now it doesn't matter too much if my wife gets mad, it's the nanny I can't upset. (other men laugh and agree) –Uptown A Train Female employee: I do not want to go to anger management for a third time. –115th & 5th Overheard by: Tara Girl to guy: You seem like the kind of person that would be mad if they got shot. –Wildwood, Park Ave & 18th St Overheard by: Sean Mom to three-year-old son: You mad? You mad? Well, you know what "mad" is spelled backwards, right? "D-a-m." Ain't nothin' you can do about that. –St. Nicholas Ave & 127th St Overheard by: stella ho Thug: She's just mad 'cause she's Mexican. –Staten Island Mall Overheard by: Wendla B. Hostess running out of restaurant: Angry couple who just left the bar! You forgot your credit card! –The Village Overheard by: DW

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod? –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Alice Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off. –M15 Bus Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours! –Bayside, Queens Overheard by: Alexandra Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch. –23rd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Jill Twiss Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do? –Bayside, Queens Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods. –2 Train Overheard by: res

Wednesday One-Liner Can Drink Milk As Adults

Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people! –1 Train Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it. –45th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Kristy Magyar Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people. –Union Station Overheard by: scared white guy White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white. –Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody! –Times Square Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here? –Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus. –Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th Overheard by: Jarett Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious. –33rd & 7th Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight. –Off-Broadway Theatre Overheard by: Hannah Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it? –W Train Overheard by: sara n. Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister. –The Strand Bookstore Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued… Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm? –Chambers St Overheard by: Shooty