Archive for 2009

When Sleeping with the Boss Doesn't Even Guarantee Success, You Know the Apocalypse Is Near

Girl #1: Well, I guess they are going to lay off half of my hedge fund.
Girl #2: That's awful! What are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, the job market totally sucks right now–I think I'm just going to sleep with the CEO. He's been flirting with me forever.
Girl #2: Well, you might as well just look on Craigslist–he's going to be broke in two months anyways.

–59th & Lexington

I Told Him It Was an Allergic Reaction to a Bee Sting

Big girl: Eww! I miss the days I went out with Eric.
Friend: Why? He was an asshole!
Big girl: He took me out so much, I swear I went to every cool spot in New York City.
Friend: Wait, so bascially he wined and dined you?
Big girl: Yep!
Friend: What the fuck, I thought fat girls didn't get wined and dined!

–Coffee Shop, Union Square

On the Plus Side, I Get Tons Of Days Off for All Sorts Of Random Holidays

Overly enthusiastic customer: So I heard that they are coming out with a 32 gb iPhone for Christmas. Like a red product thing for Christmas. Is that true?
Overly perky Apple employee: Well, sir, I wouldn't know because I'm Jewish and whenever they have Christmas meetings, they kick me out of the room.

–Apple Store SoHo, Prince & Greene St

Overheard by: are they allowed to say that?

Bristol Palin's Abstinence-Based Pregnancy Filled a Good Six Months

Preppy girl: Oh my god! I swear, she's like the biggest prep I have ever seen in my entire life!
Man, sitting down: I got my share of irony for today.

–Q16 Bus

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And I Didn’t Have to Wait for the L or the J” – Elsie Norma
· “And I Haven’t Even Been to Williamsburg Yet” – Kaitlen
· “Beats the Shit Out Of That Whole “Black Fly in Your Chardonnay” Thing” – mac
· “It’s Because She’s Blind, Right?” – tatts
· “Take THAT Alanis Morissette” – my meter’s pegged
· “That Day Bob Realized He Didn’t Need the Supplements After All” – subtleglow
· “Yeah, but She Had TWO Sweaters Over Her Shoulders” – Mary
· “You Need to Build Up Hipster-Level Tolerances to Handle Stuff Like This” – Jeff


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