Archive for 2009

To Be Fair, All Of Strawberry Shortcake's Bodily Emissions Smell Glorious

Older teen boy: Oh my god, yesterday after the party I had these farts that smelled odee.
Younger teen girl: Yeah, oh my god, was it that bad?
Older teen boy: I mean I was running away from my own farts.
Younger teen girl: Wow, it's weird cuz I love the way my farts smell!
(older teen boy walks away and crosses the street)

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: fart smeller

When Sleeping with the Boss Doesn't Even Guarantee Success, You Know the Apocalypse Is Near

Girl #1: Well, I guess they are going to lay off half of my hedge fund.
Girl #2: That's awful! What are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, the job market totally sucks right now–I think I'm just going to sleep with the CEO. He's been flirting with me forever.
Girl #2: Well, you might as well just look on Craigslist–he's going to be broke in two months anyways.

–59th & Lexington

I Told Him It Was an Allergic Reaction to a Bee Sting

Big girl: Eww! I miss the days I went out with Eric.
Friend: Why? He was an asshole!
Big girl: He took me out so much, I swear I went to every cool spot in New York City.
Friend: Wait, so bascially he wined and dined you?
Big girl: Yep!
Friend: What the fuck, I thought fat girls didn't get wined and dined!

–Coffee Shop, Union Square