Archive for 2009

Who Needs Performance Art When You Have Hobos?

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah… (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes “peanut butter”)

–23rd St

I Know a Great Place Around Here That Does Deliveries

Teenage girl #1: Oh my god, could you imagine having a baby, like, you know…inside of you?
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, no! Eeeww!
Teenage girl #1: I know, right? But I would do it.
Teenage girl #2: You would? You wouldn't mind them cutting into you?
Teenage girl #1: They do that?
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, you get cut open. It's called a Sicilian.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Brandon

Correction: It Was in the 80's

Coked-out hipster girlfriend, loudly: And that's why I could never wake up for Pilates.
Hipster boyfriend: Julia. Turn the voice down. People are looking.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I can't help the way my voice projects. I used to be an actress.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you didn't.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I'm a model.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you're not.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: I'm kind of a drug dealer.
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah. Which is so gay.

–Williamsburg Bridge

Nobody's More Bitter Than Ex-Gymnasts

Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.

–A Train

Overheard by: Violette