Archive for 2009

I See You Share My Affliction, Brother

Ticket seller: Hey guy! Wanna see a comedy show?
Teenager: Sorry, I was born without a sense of humor.
Ticket seller: Go fuck yourself!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Vinny B

Headline by: Toby

Runners-Up:
· “It Would Have Been Funnier If He Wasn’t an Autistic Hermaphrodite” – Prole

· “Jimmy Fallon Turns Down Tickets to His Own Show” – walty
· “Now *That* Would Be Quite a Show…” – Green Star
· “Really? I Was Born with Tourrettes…” – Chad King


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

They Were Feeling Their Oats When We Played 'em

White hipster teen, about basketball team: So are you guys good?
White hipster friend: Yeah, dude! I mean, we win against like black schools and shit. We just beat Brooklyn Friends last week.
White hipster teen: Dude, Brooklyn Friends is not a black school! Brooklyn Friends is a Quaker school!

–60th St & Amsterdam

Wednesday and the World One-Liners With You, Cry and You Cry Alone

Girl, loudly and enthusiastically: Everything I say is a joke!

–City Bakery, 18th St

Girl to guy: What's so funny? Did you fart?

–W 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Megan W.

Santa, chasing scared teen: Do you think it's funny to throw things at people's heads? How about I break your face?

–42nd St

Girl: I'm really excited that, like, within our lifetime, there are gonna be funny movies about Obama.

–Manhattan Theatre Source

Overheard by: Emily B.

Laughing girl on phone: Come on, please! Please! Just take off your clothes and take pictures! (pause) Come on, mom, it would be so funny!

–Union Square

20-something skater guy to another: And then I started whackin' off, and it was hilarious.

–Broadway & E 10th St

Overheard by: Timothy

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train