Archive for 2009

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?

–Mott Street

Overheard by: Erica

20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: sd

Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Jenn B

Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?

–F Train

Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners

20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!

–1st Ave & 14th

Overheard by: Evolutionary

Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rebecca

Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!

–Bedford & Metropolitan

Overheard by: theeatenpath

Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Maquaid

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat