Archive for 2009

Why We're Still in Iraq

Confused tourist: Excuse me, I want to take the red line.
Confused New Yorker: You needed to get off at the last stop.
Confused tourist: No, I got on at last stop. Want to take the red train.
Confused New Yorker: Yes, you needed to get off at the last stop.
Confused tourist: But I'm not going to that stop.
Confused New Yorker: No, you aren't.
Confused tourist: How do I get on red line?
Confused New Yorker: Help me!

–L Train

Thin Alcoholics, Though

Waspy girl #1: My mom and I are in a huge fight right now.
Waspy girl #2: Really? That sucks.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, especially because to punish me she's taking me shopping.
Waspy girl #2: What?
Waspy girl #1: We go to all these stores and she makes me try on all these clothes while she makes comments about how fat I'm getting. And then she doesn't buy me anything because according to her I'm a whale.
Waspy girl #2: Wow.
Waspy girl #1: Yeah, I know. And people wonder why Wasps tend to be such alcoholics.

–Metro-North Train