Archive for 2009

Imagine His Shock Upon Learning What His Girl Meant When She Said “I've Got a Bun in the Oven”

Girl: How much for a pig in a blanket?
Thug #1: A what now?
Girl: A pig in a blanket. See, there. (points to pretzel dogs)
Thug #1: Oh, a hot dog!
Thug #2: A hot dog?
Thug #1: A hot dog! Like, I thought she meant a pig wrapped up in a blanket.

–Pretzel stand, Penn Station

Headline by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Runners-Up:
· “And I Still Don’t Get Why People Ask for Rocks in Their Drinks at the Bar!” – time in a cube
· “Because a Hot Dog Is a Much More Logical Name for Them” – shah
· “Do You Mean MY Pig in YOUR Blanket?” – Joe
· “In Their Defense, There Was a Cop Wearing Layers Right Next to the Hot Dog Stand” – Andrew
· “Like My Penis” – Vivi
· “No, No, Those Are the HOBO Dogs” – Sodajerk
· “Those’re Five Bucks, but You Gotta Know a Guy in Chinatown” – Seth
· “When She Asked for a Bloody Mary He Fainted” – Brik
· “Yo, I Just Be Keepin It Literal” – jason


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Real World: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!

–Carrol Gardens

Overheard by: Smegma

Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!

–35th & 8th

Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!

–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!

–F Train

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport