Wednesday One-Liners, Have You Called Jenny Yet?

Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!

–LIRR to Shea Stadium

Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!

–Manhattan-bound 6 train

Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat

15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Andy

Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.

–Queens Blvd

Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!

–88th & Amsterdam

Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…

–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Evan

Shall We Consult Our Biology Textbooks?

Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Girl: What?
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.

–Governor's Island

Overheard by: Kevin

The Teacher Wanted to Make It Clear That the Correct Word is ‘Faggot’

8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.

–Corona, Queens

Overheard by: Amy

The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.


Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass. –11th & 2nd Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning. –Post office, Park Slope Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters… –In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square Overheard by: Carol Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?” –Lafayette & Bond Overheard by: jayloo