Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Wednesday One-Liner!

Dude in full garb on Halloween, clearly losing the argument to his friends: But it's not a foreign object to a pirate! –East Village Overheard by: chris k Girl wearing duct tape cat ears on the fountain in Columbus Circle: I have been crowned the pirate queen! –Columbus Circle Guy in business casual to woman in business casual: Yeah, that's the thing about parrots. If they smell smoke and you open their cage, they are outta there. Screw that pirate. –Uptown 3 Train Young woman on cell: Those pirates are soooo thin. –9th Ave & 47th St

The Village Bicycle’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know! –Outside 145th subway station Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore! –45th & 8th College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?" –Washington Square Park Overheard by: silvver Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities! –72nd and Amsterdam Overheard by: Vincent Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho." –Union Square Overheard by: Lotte Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars? –Bergen and Smith

Jet-Propelled Wednesday One-Liners

Pilot: We’re on our way to New York where the weather is cold and icy, just like my prom date back in high school. –Jet Blue flight 114 from Ft. Lauderdale to JFK Flight attendant announcing boarding call: If you have given up your seat on this flight, please do not board the plane. –LaGuardia United Airlines employee on PA: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to use the last-one-on-is-a-rotten-egg method of boarding here. –LaGuardia Overheard by: Hour-and-a-Half Delayed Pilot, as the seatbelt sign goes off: All rise. –Airtran flight from Atlanta to LaGuardia Overheard by: Debbie Kate Stewardess: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention I would very much appreciate it. My parents paid thousands of dollars to put me through college for a theater arts and communications degree, and since this is the only time the airline ever puts a microphone in my hand, I’m sure they would really appreciate it, too. –United flight from LaGuardia to Chicago Overheard by: Ellen Airline representative: Paging La… La-gua-ti-ne Pu-ra-na-ma-te? Paging… Eh, I know I messed that one up. If your name rhymes with the one I just said or it sounds at all like yours, please come to the desk. –LaGuardia Overheard by: Delayed Pilot: Why, hello, everyone! This is your captain, Bud Howard, and your copilot, Harvey the Rabbit. The FCC or FCA… Some fancy organization told me to tell you that I have to show you a very low-budget and entertaining movie on how to act on a United flight. Basically, if you’ve been around the past 50 years you know how to put on a seatbelt. You can’t be jumpin’ up and down like a jimmy-cricket, and the sooner you watch it the sooner I can push this big mother. Lastly, my young Jedi here says he’ll fly us so I’m going to take a little nap while our copilot does everything. Relax. Anyone doesn’t know what I said, find the nearest southerner and ask for a translation. –LaGuardia Overheard by: this one goes out to dan cao