Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
September 2009 Archives
Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.
11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.
--High Line
Overheard by: Kirby
NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!
--5th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Just Visiting...
Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!
--PrideFest, Abingdon Square
Overheard by: proud dad
Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.
--Starbucks
Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?
--Hampton Jitney
Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so
Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!
--Central Park Sheep Meadow
Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners
Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out.
--Central Park
Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut!
--Wachovia Wells Fargo
Overheard by: CS
Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles)
--LIRR
Overheard by: kill her
Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag!
--The Bronx
Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie
Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair!
--Rockefeller Park
There's No Pill for What Wednesday One-Liners Have
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema...
--50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
--1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
--Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
--W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
--Café
Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe
Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"
--R Train
Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?
--Metro-North
Overheard by: kfkdjsdf
Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!
--SoHo
Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?
--Fordham University
Overheard by: Jack Package
13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what... I lost my virginity last night... looks like you owe me a soda.
--H & M
Overheard by: Imani
Another Round Of Wednesday One-Liners
Regular guy: You got Old English reeking out your pores... Come outside and air out.
--Frederick Douglas & 126th St
Mother of three: Come with me and I'll buy you a bag of beer! I've never had a bag of beer before and I could really use one!
--34th St & Broadway
20-something girl to another: I gave up Grey Goose for lent.
--Pizza Shop, The Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Guy with teardrop tattoo: Dude, moonshine is awesome. It's 99% alcohol and 1% liquor.
--L Train
Overheard by: someone's going to the ER/remedial math class tonight...
Ditzy girl: I was thinking, how come I had a much worse time junior year than I did sophomore year? Then I realized, it's because I didn't drink margaritas.
--Party
Overheard by: The House
Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch
Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!
--Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn
Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!
--27th St, between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Hungry
Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!
--27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington
Overheard by: V
Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho... and I laughed!
--Coney Island Ave & Newkirk
30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!
--34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: CourtSnort
Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?
--M60 Bus
Overheard by: Jingles
No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love
50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!
--14th & 6th
Overheard by: Funky Monkey
Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean... I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!
--2nd Ave & 9th
Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!
--Times Square
Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?
--Astor Place
Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!
--Babies"R"Us, Union Square
Overheard by: miziz
When God Closes a Wednesday One-Liner, He Opens a Window
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
--B Train
Overheard by: JustMe
Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Brian Broker
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
--G Train
Overheard by: lolz
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
--A Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
--C Train
Overheard by: Chris
I Know You Guys Can't Help Yourselves
Hobo: Where you guys from?
Tourists: Australia.
Hobo: Oh, far, far, far. Tip for you: break the law on weekends. If you break the law on weekdays, it's easier to get caught. But break it on weekends, you can get away with it.
Tourists: Oh... awesome. Thanks.
--C Train
Overheard by: freckles
But Closer to Civilization.
Tourist daughter: Is it true that New Jersey is just like Kansas City?
Tourist dad: Yes, honey. Only dirtier.
--6 Train
Or Buy a Lumbar Pillow for Travel
Guy #1: My ass hurts.
Guy #2: The you should stop being so gay.
--Penn Station
Instant Karma
Thug #1, sneaking into movie: Yo, who is this bitch?
Thug #2: It's Nancy Drew!
--Movie Theater, Staten Island
It's Really More Of a Paper Product
Student #1: Is lettuce a vegetable?
Student #2: No. It's a salad.
--24th St & Lexington
Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees
Yankee fan: Yeah, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that--I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh.
--McDonald's, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Rachel W.
He Also Had Enemies Outside the Family
Young boy: Papa, did you kill grandfather?
Dad: No, I did not kill your grandfather.
--63rd Drive, Rego Park
Overheard by: Beatrice
Tonight's Classic Horror Movie: Slather
Ghetto girl #1: You know I look good in this outfit, but I should not have worn it today, especially after applying cocoa butter all over my ass.
Ghetto girl #2: That's why you gotta cocoa yo' ass before you go to bed at night.
Ghetto girl #1: Girl, you know I do that too.
Ghetto girl #2: Better to have too much cocoa butter on than to be a ashy hoe man like Britney Spears.
--10th Ave b/w 57th & 56th
You Should Be Grateful the Driver Speaks English
Driver: I fuckin' hate that building. Ugliest fuckin' building I ever seen. It looks like a bong or a toilet or somethin'. I'd shit on that building.
Passenger, under his breath: Jesus Christ, man, just drive the car.
--3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
The Only Variety Of Cockfighting That's Still Legal in the U.S.
Construction worker #1, watching friends during a body shot fight: Are they fighting for real?
Construction worker #2: Nah, I think they are trying to grab each other's cocks.
--Outside Biddy Earlys Pub
Flexible Work Schedules Work Because They're Flexible
Girl #1: I don't want, like, a 9 to 5 job.
Girl #2: Well what kind of, like, job do you want then?
Girl #1: Like... maybe 10 to 6?
Girl #2: Isn't that like 9 to 5.
Girl #1: Yeah, but I, like, want to travel and the hours work better.
--MetroNorth
Look Right Down Your Nose at Me-- Excellent!
Dad to daughter: Upper East Side? The East Side is full of snobs. Did they take you there?
Daughter: Yeah.
Dad: Great, great.
--114th St & Broadway
I Clean Up Great-- It Just Takes a Long Time
Hobo to 20-something girls: How about some money?
(girls ignore him and keep walking)
Hobo: How about a threesome?
Girls: Are you serious?
--SoHo
Overheard by: I don't think so
You Heard It Here First
Girl #1: One day I want to be as famous as Daisy Quaid Lionfish.
Girl #2: Who?
--Broadway & 6th St
Overheard by: Too Much
A Jersey Boy and an LA Girl, But It Was New York That Brought Them Together
Guido in Mercedes, honking horn: Yo!
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: Can I talk to you?
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: What's wrong with me, no date?
(jogging hottie ignores him)
Guido: Is it my hair, my clothes?
Jogging hottie, taking off headphones: I don't date Mercedes C230s.
--West Side Highway Jogging Path
Overheard by: La Diabla
Ad: Come for the Stupidity, Stay for the Penis!
Guy: I just don't understand what you see in him.
Girl: He's lazy, irresponsible.
Guy: And stupid!
--Astor Place
Pay Your Child Support and Stay Off Judge Joe Brown
Thug: I gotta keep my shit correct so she can't fuck with me no more.
Girl: Good for you!
--Canal & Broadway
A Philosophical Discussion Can Break Out Anywhere
Girl: Is this the fitting room?
Shop employee: Yes, but there is someone in there, once he is out... time is impeccable.
--Broadway
Overheard by: vegantoast
The Golden Rule?
Girl #1: Yeah, so my new boyfriend peed my bed the first night. After the second time, I broke up with him.
Girl #2: Good move. My motto is: "Pee my bed once, shame on you. Pee my bed twice, shame on me."
--Union Square Park
Overheard by: C.Terjesen
Actually, Something Like This
Unattractive fag hag: So we went out Friday and he slept over afterwards.
Gay male friend: I knew it!
Unattractive fag hag: Yeah, but then like, the next morning, I was in the other room and I overheard him talking on his cell phone and he was saying something about how I was a brown bagger. What does that mean, that it was in the bag? Like, I'm a slut?
Gay male friend: Uhhhh... something like that.
--L Train
I Was That Poop Smell in the Last Row
Blind lady #1: Hey there honey, how have you been?
Blind lady #2: I've been good.
Blind lady #3: Where were you last week? I didn't see you at the meeting!
--23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam
I Speak Mostly in Clichés and Advertising Slogans
Tattoo guy on platform: Where are all the f trains?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm...
Tattoo guy: What?
Conductor: The early bird catches the worm...
Tattoo guy: You better start fuckin making sense, asshole.
Conductor: Sorry, I don't come from that way.
--E Train
That's the Last Time I Let Nequa Babysit for You
Big black lady with yellow weave: Hey! Get off of my breasteses!
Toddler son: Why?
--Marine Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katie
...That Is the Expression, Right?
Student: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, monsieur?
NYU French professor, with heavy French accent: Bien sûr! I'm as American as apple pie!
--NYU Classroom
Young People These Days Are So Disrespectful
Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm... ahh... What the fuck?
--M Train
Overheard by: Zach
Best Weed Ever
Hipster boy: I'm wearing shorts.
Hipster girl: I'm wearing pants.
Hipster boy: It's raining.
Hipster girl: Yeah.
--Washington & Lafayette
The Same Dynamic That Makes People See Slasher Movies
Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that... depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!
--Columbia University Bookstore
Overheard by: amused bookseller
Wonder If I Could Rent One
Fat old guy: That was refreshing.
Fatter old guy: Yeah. But it's like a dog chasing a car, though--what would you do with it if you caught it?
Fat old guy: Go to jail?
Fatter old guy: Yeah. (chuckles) Sixteen'll get you twenty.
--Hamilton Square
Don't Impose Your Death Wish on Your Kid
Woman: All my anorexic friends undereat during pregnancy.
Female friend: (nervous chuckle)
Woman: I mean, come on.
--Bedford & N 10th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sarah
That's More True Of Lesbians
Suit #1: Did I tell you my sister's getting married?
Suit #2: Great! Wait, which one--the good one or the bad one?
Suit #1: The good one. I could care less about the bad one. I'm going to the engagement party this weekend.
Suit #2: Wait, what? Engagement parties are just for the girls.
--53rd St & Park Ave
Nothing Like a Spirited Game Of Who's-the-Crack-Baby
Mom, loudly: Who does mommy love?
Screaming toddler, holding cup in stroller: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Mommy loves the baby! And who's the baby?
Child: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Are you the baby?
(child starts crying)
Mom: Oh, stop that! You're old enough to drink a latte, so quit crying.
--183rd St & Ft. Washington Ave
Overheard by: Anna
Is Anything Supposed to Explode?
Boyfriend: You know how the first time you do it...
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: It's really bad?
Girlfriend: Yeah...
--Byant Park
Overheard by: wondering where this was going
It's Far Less Expensive That Way
Woman #1: Have you ever heard of Feng Shui?
Woman #2: I've heard of him but haven't heard him.
--55th St & Ave of the Stars
Overheard by: Michael
Not Like Here, Where Every Day's a Fine Day
Shirtless hobo #1: I lived in California before New York... the weather sucks most of the time there.
Shirtless hobo #2: Yeah, dude, I've heard that.
--Washington Square Park
The Nice Jewish Girl Who Started All the Trouble
NYU girl #1: You guys, I had a dream that I was pregnant.
NYU girl #2: So did Mary.
--NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Carmen Quinonez
Like Missionary-Position Sex
Slacker dude #1: I'm the only one at my school who still rolls blunts.
Slacker dude #2: Oh, yeah?
Slacker dude #1: Yeah, they all use joints, but nobody knows how to roll a good blunt. It's like a lost art.
Slacker dude #2: Totally!
--Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: Kyle
Dog-Snobbery's Especially Ugly in Democracies
Boy with mother, petting stranger's dog: What kind of dog is this?
Mom: A very expensive dog, honey. It's a Rhodesian Ridgeback.
--16th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Lolo
By Contemporary Standards?
Friend #1, at memorial: Dude, did you see those pictures of Mike's mom when she was in high school?
Friend #2: No, why?
Friend #1: Dude, she was fine!
Friend #2: Really?
--Funeral Home, Brooklyn
Well There's Water in It.
Attendant: Water or juice?
20-something woman: H2O, please.
(attendant hands her juice)
--Hampton Jitney
Nine Wears a Leather Jacket and Cuts Class
College girl #1: What do you think their core curriculum is like at Julliard?
College girl #2: Dance math!
College girl #3: Yeah, nothing goes above the number 8.
--Corner Cafe, Chelsea
Overheard by: Sromeo
Oh, and the University!
Man: So, what's your name?
Waitress: Jessica.
Man: Well, hello Jessica! I'm Brown.
Waitress: (nods head uninterested)
Man: Like the bear.
Waitress:(walks away)
--Bar, 34th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MMM
Middle Class Kids Often Misunderstand Poor Kids
Small child #1: But I don't want to be a cop! I want to be a robber!
Small child #2: Too bad, you have to be a cop.
Small child #1: Why can't we all just be robbers, then we can steal stuff and no one can catch us?
Small child #2: Because, stupid... that's how it is! Robbers and cops! It's no fun to be a robber if there aren't any cops to chase you!
--Outside Brooklyn Church
Police Arrested the Third Kid for Felony Enabling
Kid #1: It's so hard!
Kid #2: That's what she said!
(kid #3 high fives kid #2)
Kid #1: That sucked.
Kid #2: So does your mom!
Kid #3: Yeah! (high fives kid #2)
--Metro-North Train
Overheard by: soixantedeux
Cherry Poppin' Daddies: You Have Done Nothing Wrong
Jewish senior girl #1: My grandpa died. His name was hymen!
Jewish senior girl #2, laughing: Your grandpa's name was hymen! (pause) Wait... my grandpa's name was hymen. My hymen died.
Jewish senior girl #1: (silence)
Jewish senior girl #2: I meant my grandpa.
Sophomore boy: I feel like I just sinned.
--Bx10 Bus
Overheard by: luckily yom kippur was coming up
...That I Have to Go Get a Mean Bone in My Body
Girl #1: So he sent me a message on MySpace that said: "Hey, a few friends and I have a place at the beach, you should bring some of your friends down so we can get you drunk and take advantage of you." But he said it in such a nice way, you know...
Girls #2: Yeah, I don't think there's like a mean bone in his body, so he can say stuff like that, and it's totally funny.
Girl #3: I wish my boyfriend was that cool, he gets mad at me because every time we have a fight I go out and get drunk with my friends. He thinks I'm going to get completely wasted and sleep with some random guy or something. It's so annoying.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Duran
Pat Herself Has Transitioned from Babe to MILF
Thug #1: Oh, shit son... Pat Benatar is gonna be here.
Thug #2, singing: Love Is a Battlefield... that shit is hot.
Thug #1: Yeah, man!
--42nd St, BB King Blues Club
Overheard by: king of the gypsies
But You Can't Tell That from My Nails and Hair
Pissed-off girl, fighting with friend: You outer-borough trash!
(10 minutes later)
Friend: Why did you even call her that?
Pissed-off girl: That's what she is!
Friend: But you're from Staten Island!
--Karaoke Duet 35
Overheard by: Slugs
The Haircuts Are Remarkably Similar
Barnard girl: Does anyone here like Naruto?
Tisch girl: I looooove 90210!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Karina
Wednesday One-Liners Go to a Donner Party
Honest woman: I have no maternal instinct. If I had young, I would eat them.
--Artepasta Restaurant
Overheard by: subway phantom
Girl: That wasn't my idea! My idea was cannibalism!
--College of Staten Island
Overheard by: Green Star
Girl to another: Can I nibble your butt for a minute?
--Hunter High School
Overheard by: uh oh
Mets fan, yelling at opposing team's right fielder: Don't you look at me, number 47! I'll eat your eyeballs!
--Citifield
Overheard by: Jonathan Abraham
Guy on cell: What do you think about "Horace W. Cannibal?"
--6th & 27th
Overheard by: Eve
Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas
Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.
--SoHo
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)
--Applebee's, Astoria
Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!
--6th Ave & W 12th St
Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'..."
--Herald Square
Overheard by: Mira
Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"
--8th & 45th
Overheard by: i'd be scared, too
Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?
--Washington Square
Overheard by: Brooke
Wednesday One-Liner Pong
Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.
--Yankee Stadium Museum
Overheard by: sternie
30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!
--65th & Broadway
Overheard by: ENGLEBERT
Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.
--59th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Josie
Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you...I found Waldo.
--88th & 1st
Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!
--Penn Station
Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on
Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.
--M&J Trimming
Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!
--Brooklyn
Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!
--23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Q
Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about... fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife--she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking...
--Q Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!
--Q Train
Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!
--7th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: dignell
Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion
Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter?
--Vivi Bubble Tea Bar
Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans."
--8th Ave & Horatio St
Overheard by: Jean Ann
Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns... How does Harry Potter stand it?
--Columbia University Business School Graduation
Overheard by: Jen
Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man... that's it? That was a lap dance!
--42nd Street Movie Theater
Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work?
--Brooklyn Theater
Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)
Wednesday Once-Upon-a-Time Liners
Little girl to mom: But mommy, what comes out of Tinkerbell's bladder?
--92nd St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Gordon D
Conductor: And don't forget to wave goodbye to me when you get off. Hey, you! You didn't wave! Can you people believe it? He didn't wave after I asked him to. So please, remember to wave goodbye to the conductor because we drive these trains, and without us you'd be taking the bus in the daylight and you vampires will burn, burn I say, burn!
--3 Train
Overheard by: I waved
Tattooed man in leather vest, to friend: I'll tell you straight up: I am an angel designed to destroy demons. (weighty pause) I have no compassion... whatsoever... for demons!
--42nd St
Overheard by: Harper
Man to friend: The problem with New York is that there are just so many places for zombies to hide.
--57th St b/w 5th & 6th
Little girl: That's not a fairy! That's a boat!
--Waiting for Ellis Island Ferry
Overheard by: Laura
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not listening to you, I'm looking for the dragon!
--Prospect Park:
Man trying to quiet down crying toddler: Shhhhh, you sound like a Wookie!
--Brooklyn Zoo
Overheard by: Snoog
Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners
Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?
--Playground, Houston St, Soho
Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!
--Pier 46, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: skeptical james
Three-year-old boy: The night... why does it hurt?
--Flushing Playground
Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!
--Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kendra
Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this?
--Penn Station
Overheard by: i feel the same way
Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin... that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight's gonna be a good night... that tonight's gonna be a good good night!
--Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: wooohoooo
Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!
--American Museum of Natural History
Wednesday One-Liners Love You Long Time
Cop to 7-Eleven employee: Man, I saw the hottest hooker last night!
--23rd St
White guy: People in Boston really like whoremongering, I guess.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Man on cell: But I'm the best escort in the country!
--Chelsea
Man on cell: I used to pay for hookers.
--10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nomo
Man on phone: The Caribbean thing... No, not the prostitute.
--Fulton St
Thugette to boyfriend: You don't have to go to Vegas to get a hooker, honey, you can just go to Atlantic City.
--Staten Island Ferry
Nature's Way Of Saying 'Never Eat There Again'
NYU student #1: Oh, how 'bout here? Its 20% off for students.
NYU student #2: Yeah, but I will shit for weeks.
--Bleecker & Thompson
But Your Right to Vomit Stops Where My Shoes Begin
Criminal law professor: But why shouldn't it be illegal to be intoxicated in public?
Student: No one should impede my right to have a good time.
--Brooklyn Law School
Spreading Your Loaves and All...
Man: I could die for a cracker.
Woman: You're really serious about that Atkins diet, huh?
Man: The closest thing I get to carbs these days is doggy style sex with you.
--5th St & Broadway
I've Made My Peace With Explosive Dismemberment
Girl: What are all these cops doing here?
Guy: Oh, there was a bomb threat.
Girl: That's not good, we should get out of here.
Guy: If bomb threats make you nervous, than the terrorists have already won.
--7th Ave & 27th St
Guess You're Unfamiliar With the History
Orthodox Jew: Are you Jewish?
20-something hipster girl: No, but I wish I was.
--Wall Street
Overheard by: Not Jewish
In What Context Have Armbands Ever Been Bad?
Organizer #1: What about different food options for the luncheon, (thoughtful pause) what about kosher food?
Organizer #2: Good idea, but how will we be able to tell who wants to eat kosher?
University staff: We could just make black armbands with the Star of David on them. (collective gasps in the room) What?
--Columbia University
Overheard by: fdh
I Notice You Didn't Deny It
Asian girl to friends: What I need is to find a banker.
(Asian banker walks by)
Asian girl: Hey, you. Are you a banker?
Asian banker: Why don't you wait 5 years, lose 10 pounds, and then give me a call?
--N Train
Excellent-- You're Hired.
Chick #1: Would Bruce Springsteen be under "b" or "s"?
Chick #2: Duh! "b"! Baaah-ruce!
--Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Overheard by: DawllyLlama
Dear Diary: I Maced a Strange Man in an Elevator Today
Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: Um... what?
Scruffy guy: Do cockroaches need oxygen?
Chick: I have no idea.
Scruffy guy: Cause I was thinking, if they do, maybe that's why we never see them in this elevator, where there is no oxygen.
--W 151st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
May I Assume Your Request for a Slice Was Purely Pretextual?
Bag lady: You got some change so I can get a slice?
Girl: I just bought this Stromboli and I won't eat it. You want it?
Bag lady: What is it?
Girl: It's kinda like pizza.
Bag lady, looking at Stromboli: Nah.
--81st St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lolita
And Again at Your Sister's Recital
Four-year-old girl to sister: You're hitting me with your violin case!
Upper West Side mom: Anne, sometimes you have to endure a little bit of pain on the subway.
--1 Train
A Nasty Twist on The Three Little Pigs
Boy teen geek: You know when you push out too much shit you get hemorrhoids?
Girl teen geek: Yeah.
Boy teen geek: Well, that's what he did, pushed out too much shit and got nothing but hemorrhoids!
--Q Train
Overheard by: Blue
He Won't Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird's Cage
Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let's have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy: Aw, why did you do that?
Slacker: I can't let you see it. It's not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend's brother. He's really sensitive...
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?
--Midtown
Overheard by: Kane
She's on the WTC Rebuilding Committee
White man: That hot chocolate slowed my cognitive functioning.
Black woman: Better slow than fast minute-man honky.
--Webster Hall
Overheard by: chinese new year
Apparently, Someone Is Acquainted with NASA's Standards for Launch-Readiness
Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!
--Rubulad, Brooklyn
Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.
Runners-Up:
· "...To the Bathroom!" - CherryPie
· "...To the STD Clinic" - JuzouShades
· "And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way" - Buck Neked
· "Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!" - John
· "Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?" - the evan
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
That, and Standing Next to You Makes Me Look Thinner.
College girl #1: I don't want a flesh-eating disease.
College girl #2: Me either.
College girl #3: Yeah, me either.
College girl #1: Wow, we have so much in common! No wonder we're friends.
--Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
And by "Him" I Mean Antonio Banderas
Worker, waiting in salad line: Ma'am, may I have your bowl?
Woman: Sorry, but no. I only let him toss my salad.
(everyone stares)
--Lexington & 40th St
Why Kids Shouldn't Have Kids: a Play in Two Acts
Adolescent mother to four-year-old daughter: Look at your sexy legs... you got a sexy body.
(10 minutes later)
Adolescent mother to four-year-old daughter: You gonna fall and crack ya fuckin head open.
--LIRR
Overheard by: dr. positive washington
Which Reminds Me-- I Owe You Fifty Bucks.
Student: What about sex?
Economics professor: What about it?
Student: Well, it's something that probably never has a diminishing marginal utility.
Economics professor: You wish. (class laughs) Plus, for most of us in this room, sex isn't usually a market transaction.
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Danielle
And There's My Brother in the Seminary Like a Sucker!
Theater student #1: So it's really good, cause I'm gonna get to play a rapist!
Theater student #2: Oh man, really?
Theater student #1: Yeah! I'll get to rape someone... Or try, I think... Which I've never done before.
Theater student #2: Dude, you're so lucky.
--NYU
So This Is What Life Is Like for Ugly Girls!
Slutty girl: So, umm... like, can I just go in?
Bouncer: No. There's a line to your left.
Slutty girl: But, like don't girls get to just go in?
Bouncer: Um... this is a boy bar. You definitely have to wait in line.
--The Phoenix
Overheard by: Sean
Back Up-- What Guy's Blood?
Girl: Is that that guy's blood on your shoe?
Friend: Oh, no! That's actually chocolate ice cream from Mister Softee... Mmmm Mister Softee.
Girl: Oh, nice!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Maria
Why Thesauruses Exist.
Guy #1: I finished my basement this weekend.
Guy #2: You finally finished it!
Guy #2: Yeah, it's now a finished basement.
--Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Ron
Weirdest. Scavenger Hunt. Ever.
Obese teen girl: Are you a lesbian?
Skinny teen girl: Why does everyone keep asking me that?
--Central Park
...on This Block?
Female tourist: Oh, look! American Apparel!
Friend: Is that the only one?
--5th & 19th
Overheard by: nate
Silicone or Latex?
Customer to clerk: Do you have cock?
Clerk: Yes.
--9th Ave & 52nd St
Overheard by: Oh, you mean caulk
Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River
Cashier #1: So I was like, "Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!" So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit...
--Health Store, 114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Which Is Why I Don't Return Susan Sarandon's Calls
White guy: So Lauren is coming with us on the trip.
Korean guy: Lauren? She's got the crazy eyes!
White guy: Crazy eyes?
Korean guy: Yeah, you can't trust a girl with the crazy eyes.
--Union Square
Overheard by: Sherlock N Holmes
And He's on Antibiotics
Drunk girl #1: Call me tomorrow morning and tell me how you feel!
Drunk girl #2: I'll be just fine cuz I just made out with Travis.
--19th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: k
I Hope You're Not Prejudiced Against Breads Of Color
Teen girl #1 to friend staring at salad: Babe, they're croutons.
Teen girl #2, slowly looking up at her: But... they're black.
--Times Square
Overheard by: Stina
It's a Vicious Cycle.
Ghetto girl #1: I just stepped on a piece of dogshit on my way to work. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Ghetto girl #2: Spray some perfume on your shoes.
Ghetto girl #1: I already tried that, and Britney's new perfume ain't strong enough!
Ghetto girl #2: Well, then rub it in shit again!
--Broadway b/w Maiden Lane & Liberty
That's How Much I Respect Her.
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum.
--1 Train
Overheard by: gio
Imagine a World Without Vowels
Idiot tourist, in line at TKTS: Hmmm... I wonder what "TKTS" stands for.
Friend: Are you serious? It stands for "tickets"!
Idiot tourist: Oh! I never knew that! Well, I guess that makes sense.
--TKTS
Dramatic Tension So Thick You Could Cut It With a Melon Baller
Really gay guy: So you know how there's nothing on on tv in the summer? I started watching the gayest tv show ever.
Really gay friend: Yeah? Like what?
Really gay guy, conspiratorially: Star Trek: Voyager.
--Kashkaval, 55th & 9th
Overheard by: office peon
That's Not What Mr. Wonka Told Me
Man to woman pushing button for lower floor: We're going up.
Woman: Oh my god! How do I get down?
Man: Well, the elevator comes back down once it gets up to the top, it doesn't just circle.
--Elevator, 1 Battery Park Plaza
Overheard by: shmarls
Oh Look, That Guy's Taking a Dump!
Tourist mom to kid: There's some weird smells around here...
Suit: Nah, that's New York you're smelling. Dog piss, hobos piss, hobos barf... Ah, the glory of the Great White Way.
--Times Square
Overheard by: i love new york.
Can't Seem to Schedule His Emergencies
Designer on cell: I'm with a client right now. Can I call you back in two hours? I'm with a client. Bye.
Client: Huh?
Designer: Oh, my fucking son.
--Lexington Ave
Its Diversity Is Built In
Crazy lady: Excuse me, excuse me, white faced nigga bitch?
White girl: What?
Crazy lady: What? You ain't never seen a zebra?
--Rockaway Park
I Also Would Have Accepted "You're Killing Me Here"
Commuter #1: Hey! I'm standing here!
Commuter #2: I just need to get around you, sorry.
Commuter #1: I'm not moving from my spot!
Commuter #2: Lady, it's not like you rent the space.
--1 Train
Overheard by: Izzy
Josh Wins the Battle, but Loses the War
Boyfriend: Can you believe they're saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it's all based on scientist's predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C'mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!
--Pool, 79th St
She's Pretty Slow
Toddler, crouching over snail: I have a sister.
Teenage girl: Oh, what's her name?
Toddler: Snail.
Teenage girl: No, what's your sister's name?
Toddler: Snail.
--Bay Terrace
For a Straight Guy, That's Always a Persuasive Argument
Hipster guy: So, I just don't have room.
Smartass girl: You have room for me in your bed.
Hipster guy, after long pause: Ummm, maybe.
--St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Did You Skip Sex Education?
Hipster #1: Why are there so many pregnant women? I don't get it.
Hipster #2: Well, nine months ago was winter. When there's a blizzard, nine months later there's just babies everywhere.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: o!valencia
The Train Plunging Into a Tunnel Does It for Me Every Time
Old lady #1: I'm glad I live so near the subway.
Old lady #2: Yes, because it's so easy to get wet nowadays.
--Outside Nederlander Theater, W 41st St
Overheard by: Willo
You Know, Like the President Speaks?
Gangsta #1: Yo man, that shit ain't coo.
Gangsta #2: I know, wutchu gon' do wit dat?
Southern tourist to friends, whispering: I think that's what they call e-bo-nics.
--Downtown R Train
Lisa Could Only Moan As the Witch Sucked Out Her Life Force
70-year-old lady to hot chick: It's so nice to be sitting next to somebody skinny!
Hot chick: Eh...
--1 Train
Overheard by: I'm skinny too....
Dude, Quit Puking in My Shoe!
Man #1, taking off shoe: Dude, smell this!
Man #2: Chill, man! No!
Man #1: Just smell it. Doesn't it smell like cheese?
Man #2: Dude, no! Stop!
Man #1: I'm serious, man, it smells like cheese.
--Boardwalk, Coney Island
Overheard by: Angie
Standby for the World's First $12 Cup o' Cocoa
Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?
--Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Leary Blaine
Runners-Up:
· "His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime" - Vasyl
· "It's Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows" - I'll have one straight up
· "It's Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand" - Sandy Paws
· "Just Kidding... Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right" - Dustin
· "The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks" - version
· "Unless You're Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here" - Ramsey
· "Way to Go Glen Cocoa" - Mean Girlz
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
You Want to End Up As Fat, Sick and Broke As I Am?
Dad: So, what are you doing tomorrow night?
Son: Oh, you know, a usual Saturday night... Pizza, beer, and strippers.
Dad: Okay, can you just pick one of those, because all of those are unhealthy.
--N Train
Overheard by: dc visitor
If I Can't Wake Up Fast, I Want to Die Slowly
Woman in line at concession: Do you serve coffee?
Cashier: No.
Woman in line at concession: Okay, I'll have a hot dog.
--Movie Theater, 68th St
Overheard by: JEI
God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.
--Broadway & 10th St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.
--Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Pola
Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait--wait, Jesus was Jewish?
--Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society
Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"
--8th Ave & 43rd St
Overheard by: Lankyguy
Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still...
--23rd St & Lexington
Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical
Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!
--Curtis High School, Staten Island
Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert... Hootie and the Blowfish.
--Jazz at Lincoln Center
Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.
--79th St b/w York & 1st
Overheard by: Queixa
Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.
--15th St & 8th Ave
Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!
--Staten Island
Overheard by: Kateri
Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.
--Marie's Crisis Piano Bar
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!
--Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard
Yo Soy Wednesday-One-Liner!
Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh... Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!
--1 Train
Overheard by: Tater
Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!
--6 Train
Overheard by: Alice Dalice
Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.
--East Village
Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva
Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.
--Park Slope
Overheard by: monkey girl
Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!
--Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston
What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?
Gluttony
Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!
--Duane Reade
Overheard by: Sam
Lust
Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore...
--5th Ave & 12th St
Greed
Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.
--Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe
Sloth
Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we--going to have to walk places now?
--L Train
Wrath
Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.
--Brooklyn College Library
Envy
Two woman walking tall dog: I mean... can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!
--Bleecker & Spring
Pride
Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!
--Battery Park
Wednesday One-Liners Forgot Their Coffee This Morning
Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up!
--Amtrak Train
College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was.
--Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep!
--6 Train
Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet.
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait what?
Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes!
--Doctor's Office, Astoria
Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up.
--M4 Bus
Overheard by: trev
The Little Black Wednesday One-Liner
Professor: I don't know why any of us are here... It's gorgeous out and there are very lovely ladies wearing minimal clothing!
--NYU
Overheard by: Ginger
College girl in short skirt to friend: My ass feels naked and exposed, that's how I feel.
--Grand Central
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Man to woman: She's really starting to perfect the "slutty flight attendant" look.
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Glory
Woman, with pride: My gynecologist wears leather mini skirts and platform shoes!
--Park Slope
Female suit: I am the worst lawyer ever. That's why I dress like a slut. I always win.
--L Train
Wednesday How-Many-Liners?
Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?
--Columbus Circle
Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?
--23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Nora Claire
Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?
--East Village
Overheard by: bb
Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?
--Canal St
Overheard by: Kristen
Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive?
--Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right?
--42nd St & 6th St
Overheard by: tourists rock
Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?
--Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field
Overheard by: AJ
Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!
Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!
--Queens
Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!
--Brooklyn
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!
--96th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Galatea
Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.
--11th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Bill
Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.
--Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Somebody's Been Crying 'Wolf' for Years
Fat man: My left retina just detached.
Friend, not even looking at him: You'll be fine.
--Washington Square Park
Victoria Does Her Best to Represent All Three Groups
Queer #1: He's just so hot.
Queer #2: Yeah, he's so gorgeous that everyone wants to have sex with him. Men, women, dogs... They all want to have sex with David Beckham.
--Bar 89, SoHo
Overheard by: undercovah sistah
But Nowhere Near As Tasty
Drunk 20-something guy: Imagine this foam finger is a beef stick. Open your mouth and eat the beef stick.
Drunk 20-something girl: Normally, the beef sticks I tend to deal with are slightly smaller.
--Q Train
Another Intriguing Entry in the Bad Date Semifinals
Man on blind date: I can't believe I just went to the bathroom. Sorry, I didn't think I would have to. I guess as you get older your bladder weakens.
Woman on blind date: Yeah, I guess.
--Sushi Resteraunt, 82 & 3rd
Overheard by: im
...a Negligible Disappointment
Chick #1: The other dat at your job, I stole that lollipop. I thought it was root beer, but that shit was butterscotch.
Chick #2: That's what you get for stealing lollies.
--Screening of Repo Man
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Always With the Guessing Games. Jesus.
Hobo #1: Ya know what?
Hobo #2: Does it look like I know what?
--Washington Place & Broadway
Overheard by: ksm
Where God Would Live If He Had Money
Conspicuously buffed guy #1: Yeah, we could all be roommates!
Conspicuously buffed guy #2: Yeah!
Super hip woman, pushing expensive stroller: Yeah! (to baby in stroller) Can you say loft? Loft?
--W Broadway
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Or Start Carrying My Keys in a Purse
Girl #1: You really need to start keeping your legs closed!
Girl #2: You're right, I really need to keep them closed!
--Union Square
Marsha Worries She May Be Losing Her Touch
40-something woman: Oh, I'm sorry.
Young dude: That's okay, but you just hit my crotch.
40-something woman: Well, did you at least enjoy it?
Young dude: Heh-heh, not really.
--L Train
Weren't You Listening? It's a Mammal Thing.
Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah... Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul... Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?
--Astor Place
Overheard by: poor cab driver
Unlike This Guy
Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)
--N Train
You Are Why I Could Never Be a Lesbian.
Girl #1: So you weren't even ready to go!
Girl #2: Yes, I was. I was all ready except for that, so all I had to do was go get ready and then I would have been ready.
--Port Authority Bus Terminal
Eye-Fucking Has Its Limits
Girl to 20-something friend: Apparently, you can get pregnant if he looks at you across a crowded room!
(shocked pause)
20-something: Oh my god! Are you serious, I can?
Girl, glaring at friend: Are you serious? Asshole!
--Franklin Ave, Brooklyn
Not Without Vodka
Jetlagged guy: Want some orange juice?
Jetlagged girl: It's, like, 5 am for me. I'm not going to start drinking... orange juice.
--AirTrain
Overheard by: We can understand what you're saying here
And Hungry
Hipster boy: Are you a vegetarian?
Hipster girl: No.
Hipster boy: You look like you could be, and I mean that as a compliment. It means you look hip.
--Grand Sichuan, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: aryn
Shall I Demonstrate on This Person Here?
Guy #1: Have you ever had a happy ending?
Guy #2: No, I've never gotten one. (passer-by stares at him)
Guy #1: I get them all the time, they're great!
--W 23rd & 3rd
Fuck Chicks, Presumably.
Guy hitting on girl, noticing a rainbow tag on her shoe: Rainbows, huh? Yeah. I live in Florida, so...
Girl's: So...?
(awkward silence)
Guy: What do you do?
--3 Train
While Rolling on the Sidewalk
Young blonde to mother: Giselle just made me feel stupid.
Mother: Well, it was the way she laughed at you.
--9th Ave & Little West 12th St
Overheard by: west villager
You Don't Know Much About Sex Work, Do You?
Man: So he was like, a male prostitute?
Woman: Yeah.
Man: He must have been a pretty good lookin' guy!
--40th St & 7th Ave
Which Is Like a Cheating "Get Out Of Jail Free" Card, Right?
Ghetto girl: What's wrong wit you?
Hoodlum: Yo, I already told you I was bisexual!
--McClellan St & Sheridan Ave
Overheard by: South Bronx Beat Cop
I'm Sorry for Your Pain-- Just Remember It's Not My Fault
Guy to whispering girl: What?
Girl #1: You don't wanna know.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Girl #2: No, you don't.
Guy: I don't! Why do you whisper? Include me! I wanna know!
Girl #1: Fine. I'll tell you. (loudly) My uterus hurts!
--63rd Drive, Queens
Overheard by: Therese
Just Sperm Of Dubious Provenance
Cosmetology student #1: I'm so happy I got my period.
Cosmetology student #2: What, you're not on the pill or condoms?
Cosmetology student #1: No, I don't let chemicals into my body. (takes long drag on a Lucky Strike)
--Varick & Vandam
Overheard by: Aveda Esthiology Student
The Light Is Fading Fast
Queer #1 to friend: I could have been drinking.
Queer #2, coming out of London Boutique: But I was shopping!
Queer #1: But now I'm sober!
--Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: Colleen Elizabeth Campagna
And Stay As Far Away from Me As Possible
Girl #1: No way, where is that?
Girl #2: St. Mark's.
Girl #1: No way! I live right there. Where on St. Mark's?
Girl #2: St. Mark's and 2nd Avenue.
Girl #1: No way! That's where I live! Should I get my hair cut there?
Girl #2: No.
--Park Ave South
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
No One Can Dick You Over Without Your Consent
Older sister: I mean, you handled that breakup really well. If I didn't see you that weekend, I would have never known something went wrong. He totally dicked you over...
Little sister: He didn't totally dick me over, he was a total dick. There's a difference.
--NYU
Playing "Mirror" Gets Old After Age Five
Man: If you do that, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it?
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: So, I will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Man: Yes, you will be victimizing two men who don't deserve it.
Woman: Well, I really think I'm justified.
Man: Oh, do you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.
Man: So you really think you're justified?
Woman: Yes, I really think I'm justified.
--11th St & Perry St
Overheard by: Joe
Best Place to Go for Aligator Pumps
Preppy rich girl #1: So, my dad just got back from Florida yesterday.
Preppy rich girl #2: Oh, really? Did he have fun?
Preppy rich girl #1: I guess. He was mad at me for some reason, so he didn't really tell me much. He said he really liked the Everglades, though.
Preppy rich girl #2: The Everglades? I have always wanted to go to that mall!
--Marc Jacobs Store
Overheard by: Alexa
How Carlo Ended Up in Iraq
Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera... follow him!
--Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful
Like the Four Hundred Before Me Did
20-something woman #1: I can't believe you slept with him, you know his girlfriend!
20-something woman #2: I don't really know his girlfriend, I met her once. And we're friends on MySpace. But she has 800 friends, so any of them could have fucked him.
--Bryant Park
He's Relinquished His Manhood
Girl #1: Yeah, but I don't know if he'll get it. He's a guy.
Girl #2: He's a metro.
--Broome & Centre
Overheard by: Fed up w NYC indos
Dad's Heavy Into Semi-Intelligent Design
Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.
--City Hall Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Never Had My Whole Hand in a Girl's Mouth Before
Girl: You chased me with a burger!
Guy: For me to have chased you, you'd had to have run from it!
--Broadway & 8th
Overheard by: Matt Koff
My Whole Day Was Weird Like That
20-something #1: And she was telling me how she was going out with Mike that night and I was saying to myself, "that's kind of weird, because I made out with him first."
20-something #2: Did you say that?
20-something #1: Well, I had to say something. And she said, "don't worry, he'll be the last guy we share."
--F Train
For...Clothes?
Idiotic 20-something #1: Hey! What are you doing here?!
Idiotic 20-something #2: Shopping. What are you doing here?
Idiotic 20-something #1: Shopping.
--Barney's Warehouse Sale
They Rep for Elite
Hobo #1: Girl, you a model?
Hobo #2: Nah. She too short to be a model.
--51st St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: flattered
How They Lure You In
Ghetto boy, pointing to fish in tank: When you say twelve cents, do you mean, like, twelve pennies?
Amused pet store worker: Yes, we mean twelve pennies.
--86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Pet-co shopper
...But How'd You Know My Name?
Short man in glasses, suit, and ankle cast: Hey, I've got some great new music for you.
Tall blonde model: Oh, really?
Short man: Yeah! I've got the new David Guetta album three months before it's supposed to come out. It's got this song with Akon called Sexy Bitch.
Tall blonde model: Wow, cool!
Short man: It's a song about you!
Tall blonde model, genuinely surprised: Tee-hee! Really?
--Hotel down from the rooftop bar at the Gansevoort
Like "Aloha," It Can Mean Hi, Goodbye, or I Love You
Female tourist: Look--he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying "hi" in New York?
--72nd St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Gazoo
Maybe It's Time to Stop Reading Courtenay Love's Parenting Guides.
Son to mother sitting at diner: Mom, why am I so small? Am I going to grow?
Mother: Yes, honey, of course you will. You're perfect just the way you are.
(son starts blowing bubbles in his soda and asks mother to start blowing bubbles in his soda too. She starts, then looks around at some people staring at them)
Mother: You know, I just realized how gross this is.
--Diner, 53rd & 1st
Especially the Grass-Stained Knees
Blond, after strenuous workout: God, I look like I just fucked the football team.
Blond friend: Guys like that look.
--Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: MtZ
I'd Likely End Up Settling for You
Drunk girl on date: You're not going to be allowed in my apartment tonight.
Lame guy on date: Oh really? Why is that?
Drunk girl on date: Because when I drink, I lose my ambition.
--Lower East Side
The Date Came Later, As Is Proper
Ghetto chick #1: Oh no! We didn't fuck on the first date!
Ghetto chick #2: What do you mean you didn't? Stop, stop, stop! You got me all twisted!
Ghetto chick #1: I mean... if you really think about it, it wasn't a date...
--E Train
Oh Dude, I Am No Judge
Guy #1: I like her, but her personality is a bit blah...
Guy #2: She has a hot body, though.
Guy #1: Yeah, but you know who else has a hot body?
Guy #2: Me?
--University Place
Everyone Now Having Moved One Language Over
Girl #1: But... Isn't he from Japan?
Girl #2: Duh, Japanese people speak Chinese!
Girl #1: Oh my god! (laughs) You are so funny! People from Japan speak Spanish. Everybody knows that!
--A Train
Overheard by: Hiding In The Corner (Highly Disturbed.)
The Trick Is to Get Too Stoned to Care
Bro #1: I mean, smoking weed totally stunted my emotional growth.
Bro #2: I completely know what you mean.
--8th St & Ave C
Overheard by: mona risa
Single White Kidney Stone
Breakfast lady: So it's like me and her have the same health history.
Breakfast parents: Oh, yeah?
Breakfast lady: Yeah, I had just come home from the doctor and I called her, and I was telling her what happened and she goes "oh my god! I have to pass stones, too!" Her doctor said it may be hereditary, though.
--Marriott, Times Square
In Her Defense, Most People Totally Suck
20-something girl: That's because your girlfriend hates me!
20-something guy, slightly chuckling: She doesn't hate you... she hates everyone.
--Times Square
Overheard by: sounds like a keeper
Headline by: slowly losing faith in people
Runners-Up:
· "...But It Wouldn't Hurt to Lose a Little Weight" - ThugAuditor
· "God, I Love Her Genocidal Tendencies" - Duncan Pflaster
· "I Told You, We Met at the Nazi Rally" - The Drifter
· "Now, If You'll Excuse Me, I Have to Punish Myself for Saying That" - Jason
· "Or at Least Everyone I Want to Sleep With" - sagert
· "She Doesn't Discriminate" - beans
· "She Even Hates Life Cereal" - Let's Get Mikey
· "What I'm Really Trying to Say Is She Won't Hate You More If We Fuck" - Zak
· "Which, OK, Technically Includes You. But Again - Threeway?" - been there
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
More Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?
Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn.
--Lower East Side
Not Like That Embarassing Spork Incident
Arizona tourist: I forked my boss!
Sister-in-law: (awkward silence)
Arizona tourist: At least it was a plastic fork.
--LIRR
Overheard by: ...nice
Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out
Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive?
--Upper East Side
Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina?
--32nd & 8th
Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded!
--2nd Ave
Overheard by: Maureen
30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the... uh... vaginas.
--D Train
Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina!
--Bryant Park
Overheard by: Can I borrow it?
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer "Gentleman Companion"
Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.
--Lincoln Center
Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god--I will kick his ass!
--Church St
Overheard by: Steve
Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.
--Metro-North
Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."
--NYU
Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!
--34th & 7th
Overheard by: Kiran
Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.
--Marlow & Sons
You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'
Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.
--W 34th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.
--Men's Bathroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Phil
Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.
--Lawton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Eric Frazier
Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)
--Penn Station
Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Robert H
Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line
Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills.
--84th St
Overheard by: mikaela
Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies.
--Red Bamboo, West Village
Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields.
--4 Train
Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro!
--7 Train
Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass!
--Gold St
Wednesday One-Liners by Dan Brown
Loud bar patron, reading new item on menu: Anybody know what artisan cheese is? Anybody at all? (mutters) Shit man, this is Astoria, we don't know no artisan cheese.
--Astoria
Overheard by: Jesse
Guy: He said "when you cum yourself." I looked at him and said "that is not how you say that."
--Hunter College
Overheard by: Jill
Girl to friend: So, you see, I was right! It's spelled w-h-e-r-e!
--McDonald's
Guy: And stop trying to rhyme words with other words.
--16th St & 8th Ave
Guy to girl: I am really into words, especially long ones. I love them, and like, collect them. There is a word for people like that, but it's pretty long, so I can't remember it.
--Q Train
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Lady: He doesn't speak English good, so he gots deported.
--Park Slope
Wednesday One-Liners, with Tongue.
College girl to friend, disappointed: You know? I only made out with one of them...
--NYU Dorm
(hobo shakes can with change and interrupts couple in heated makeout session)
Bitchy girlfriend, shrieking: Seriously? Seriously? Are you seriously asking me now? We're in the middle of making out. Seriously?
--Ave B & 7th St
Overheard by: friend of the mole people
Guido to another: When you're makin' out, the next thing you know, you could be bangin'.
--Staten Island
Girl to guy friend: Once you get married, we are never going to be able to make out anymore.
--Houston & Mulberry
Man to friend: It's like that time I saw two women on walkers making out. I love New York!
--45th & 10th
Overheard by: Drunk
Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy
Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.
--Chelsea
Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.
--Mott & Prince
Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice
Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.
--St. Mark's Place
Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost...
--Regal Union Square Theater
Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!
--1 Train
Overheard by: nella
Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them
Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!
--14th St & 7th Ave
Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool...
--Midtown
Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!
Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop... No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.
--45th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle
Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.
--15th & 8th
Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!
--MoMA
You'd Think It Was Another Country
Teen geek #1: I need a passport.
Teen geek #2: What for? You don't go to other countries.
Teen geek #1: I went to Canada!
Teen geek #2: Canada?! Canada doesn't count!
Teen geek #1: Canada totally counts! If you go to the French part, they speak French and stuff.
--F Train
Overheard by: jayloo who burst out laughing
Someone Who Should've Learned Spanish Instead Of Latin
Hispanic construction man to hot girl passing by: Ay! Qué linda!
Hot girl: Who's Linda?
--33rd b/w 8th & 9th
What, Are You Kidding?
Black guy #1: I got Allison a gift for Valentine's Day.
Black guy #2: I also got Allison a gift.
Black guy #1: Wait, black Allison?
--6 Train
But White Cigarettes Are Okay?
Asshole: Hey, do you have a cigarette?
Stranger #1: No.
Stranger #2: You can have one of mine.
Asshole: Thanks, this guy (points) has some, but he won't give me one.
(stranger #1 gives asshole cigarette and a white lighter)
Asshole, lighting cigarette: Hey, you know white lighters are bad luck?
Stranger #1: So?
Asshole: You should get a new lighter.
Stranger #1: You should get your own fucking cigarette.
Stranger #2: Yeah, fuck you!
--Hunter College
Overheard by: off white
Alice Serves As Narrator on the Q43
Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!
--Q43 Bus, Queens
And My Mom Already Hates You
Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.
--Union Square
And Who Are You?
College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.
--LIRR
Overheard by: Dara
WTF?
Asian cabbie: I am happy cabbie!
Man: I'm sure you are! (goes to hail another cab)
Asian cabbie: You google me! You google, happy cabbie, happy cabbie!
--Ave of the Americas
Another Reason I'd Hate to See You Go Into the Priesthood
Italian father: Hey, son, look at this knee cap.
Son: Cool. What is that stuff?
Italian father: You see the part that looks like calamari? Well, that will give you trouble one day.
--Bodies Exhibition
Overheard by: hrln
There Was an Incident With the Natives
Receptionist: Hi, I'm calling from Bridgehampton, New York and would like to invite to a gallery event we are having in Southampton this weekend.
New York woman: Oh... is that in the Hamptons?
Receptionist: Why, yes, it is.
New York woman: Well... we don't go to that shithole anymore! (hangs up)
Receptionist: Thank you for you time.
--Publication Office
When We Have Liquid Latex?
Guy #1: In the future, no one will wear pants. People will realize how unnecessary they are.
Guy #2: Or maybe Spandex will come back...
--B Train
Dear Diary, Met the Nicest Girl Today
Black guy to black girl: Are you a lesbian?
Black girl: Ha ha! No.
Black guy: What, you don't like pussy?
Black girl: No.
Black guy: I like pussy, why don't you show me yours?
Latina girl: Sit down.
(black guy sits down, Latina girl puts hands in his pants)
--Uptown 2 Train
I Just Wear an Asian Mask to Attract Comments From Nice Men Like You
Random thug: How you doin'?
Asian girl: (ignores him)
Random thug: You Asian? Or are you Chinese?
Asian girl: Neither! (walks away)
--Queens
Overheard by: Long Island white boy
Go Smut Surfing and Leave Us Alone About It
Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!
--Hunter College High School
Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes
It's Like the MySpace of Birds
Truly urban son: Look, mom, an eagle!
Mom: No, Gabe, it's just a pigeon.
--The Bronx
Overheard by: Natasha
Headline by: Brian
Runners-Up:
· "But It's a Bronx Pigeon, So It Acts Like an Eagle" - PeterG
· "Kudos to the Science Teachers at P.S. 51" - Los
· "The Cash-Strapped Bronx Zoo Wasn't Fooling Anyone" - Coyoty
· "The True Symbol Of America" - BabakganoosH
· "This Is the Bronx, Let Him Dream..." - Lacey
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Why Some People Get Pet Parrots
Hyper girl walking down sidewalk: I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to tell you all about it! I've got an uncontrollable urge, I've got to scream and shout it! I say: yeah. (looks expectantly at serious girl next to her)
Serious girl, completely deadpan: Yeah.
Hyper girl: Ye-ah!
Serious girl: Ye-ah.
Hyper girl: I say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Serious girl: Yeah?
--Union Square
Overheard by: Scarface