Archive for January, 2010

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit. –Bay Ridge, Brooklyn Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face. –78th St & West End Overheard by: jess_stang Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor. –BAM Cinemafest Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big! –E 7th St Overheard by: Evan

Slow and Steady Wins the Wednesday One-Liner

Subway conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being held up by dispatch because we have a sloooooooow moving "a" train. Thank you for your patience. And don't forget, blame the "a" train; it ain't our fault. –D Train Overheard by: Alice Conductor: We currently are waiting behind another 7 train… Slow movin' bastards. –7 Train Overheard by: They really were Conductor: You do not want to take the 4 or the 5, because they will not be setting any land speed records. –6 Train Jaded MTA conductor: We're being delayed because of signal problems up ahead. There's a train in like every station. Because of the cold weather we've got signal issues; we're moving as fast as we can, it just might take a while. MTA: "might take a while." –W Train

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk? –Broadway & 103rd St Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team! –Washington Square Overheard by: RAR! Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team. –Uptown D Train Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy! –Pub, 45th & 3rd Overheard by: Pub crawler Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would. –High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are. –Central Park Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working! –Williamsburg Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog! –10th St & Broadway Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk. –Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts? –1 Train Overheard by: Fonvielle Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose. –Ninja Japanese Restaurant Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja? –Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jess Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja! –Brooklyn Health Center

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I only remember things when I insult them! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Amanda Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude. –Union Square Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay? –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Wait. What?