Archive for January, 2010

Janet Reno Day One-Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13th St

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

At This Point in Time, I Have No Recollection Of Those Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Amanda

Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wait. What?

And Idiot Is Not a Protected Class, So Watch Out.

Guy #1: Wow, they indicted five cops in that beating last year in Shenandoah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The victim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mexican.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mexican?
Guy #2, after pause: Everyone on this train thinks you are a fucking idiot, and I agree with them.

–Uptown 6 Train

What a Terrible Way to Talk to Your Parents

Suit on cell, leaving voicemail: Hi, June*, it's Tom*. I'm calling because I heard that you've been sleeping with Bill*. I just wanted to warn you to be careful, Bill* doesn't tell people that he has genital herpes. Definitely call me back if you're worried, okay?
(suit hangs up, phone rings moments later)
Suit on cell, answering
: Bill*, dude! I heard you've been banging June*!



–Lobby, Midtown


Overheard by: Thankfully not sleeping with Jane