Archive for March, 2010

Those Who Marry for Wednesday One-Liners Earn Them

Girl to friend: I mean, if he was rich I would pretend to like him; but he's not, so… –46th & 3rd Guy on street to couple: Baby girl, you're just embarrassing yourself. Don't do it. You know you're just with him for his money cuz everyone knows white men ain't got no dick. –5th & 32nd Ghetto young man: That is why I'm gonna marry a rich white woman. My daughter needs a good life; my sugar mama can pay for her to go to a private school. I'm a playa, but I gotta marry a rich white woman for my baby girl. –A Train 20-something guy to friends: So this chick I like says "let's wait until you start making money til we start dating." So I said to her "what makes you think I want to date you once I start making money?" –St Mark's

Wednesday One-Liners Looked Better in the Previews

Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human! –Lower West Side Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs! –13th St & University Overheard by: Jaimie Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack." –City Cinemas, E 86th St Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right? –NYU Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance. –Columbus Circle

Little Wednesday One-Liner on the Prairie

20-something woman on cell: I fuck you, I get dinner. He fucks you, he gets a house! –Washington Square Girl: Earthquakes come every ten years, and it's not that bad. It's not like your house goes down or something. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: mia Excited kindergartner: We played house and then we played going to the co-op! –Park Slope Overheard by: Rose Fox Elderly man to another: People are gonna kill people, they just need to do it in their own house. –Austin St & 77th Ave 20-something: So yeah, we used to hang out in elementary school. He'd come over my house, kinda like a "whose cock is bigger?" kinda thing. –Brooklyn Overheard by: AnnaBanana

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Average-sized woman on cell: He said "big boned." Yeah, "you're a big boned girl… Like your dad, kinda big boned." (pause) Yeah, so, I didn't really feel like eating much after that. –Queens Overheard by: bdlilrbt Girl to friend: I always think I'm a thin person, but then I look into the mirror and realize I'm not. –3rd & 13th Super skinny Japanese girl: I brought my juice with me. Then I ordered dessert. But my juice just looked better than eating dessert. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: dignell Middle aged women to friend: Yeah, we took her in for a few weeks. She was fine, but didn't eat much. But that's because she kind of has an eating disorder. (they burst out into a fit of laughter) –F Train Girl getting soda to friend: You know, it's the ice that makes you fat. I heard that somewhere. –Cafeteria, Marymount Manhattan Overheard by: Hannah

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay. –L Train Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch. –NYC Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend! –8th St & 5th Ave Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work! –Victorian Flatbush Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that? –NYU

A Wednesday One-Liner to Remember

Midwestern mother to ticket vendor: Thank goodness for the bus, we've been in the hotel for four days because we can't walk anymore! –50th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Kate Ditz, singing and marching: It's a sidewalk, so I have to walk on it! –St. Mark's & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Hannah Sarcastic, portly girl: Great, my two favorite things: walking and learning. –Governor's Island Ferry Crazy man in the middle of the street blocking traffic: Car are outlawed! Walk everywhere! I walked to China last week! I walked to Paris yesterday! –18th & 3rd Overheard by: Maria Tough guy to another: I'm a little afraid to walk around with you 'cause it seems everyone you work with dies. –PJ Clarke's

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Sob Story

Cute girl on Penn station escalator: I dipped my dim sum in her tears! –NJ Transit Man in running gear on cell: I never get to, but I'm going to try again. I just hope I don't cry! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Daniel Girl to friend: I cried so hard it went down and under my armpit. –Brooklyn Overheard by: porter Bartender: I'll bet he cries when he masturbates. –MacDougal & W 3rd Overheard by: Greg Woman to friends: My vagina is leaking tears right now. –5th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Zoe