Archive for April, 2010

…to Relax Our Throats.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I would never buy a foot-long hot dog. I mean, really. Who would buy one?
Girl #2: (silence)
Girl #1: No girl should eat one, and no guys will, either. You know what I mean?
Girl #2: I guess. They're higher in calories, but whatever. Eat less later.
Girl #1: No. I mean, a girl can't be seen eating a foot long hot dog. Neither can a guy. I mean, think about… blowjobs!
Girl #2: Oh! Well, so what? If I'm hungry and it tastes good, who cares? I don't care if you're thinking I'm chomping down on a foot-long cock. And, what, you haven't sucked a 12-incher before?
Girl #1: No… Do you want Bud or Bud Light?

–Concession Stand, CitiField

Schoolteachers Don't Get Paid Enough.

Young teacher: So he would take a pack of staples, sit at his desk, pick them apart, and throw them. That's dedication!
Friend: (laughs)
Young teacher: Yeah, and then he would get his friend to call his phone from outside the classroom and it would ring and make this squeaking noise. We caught a mouse the day before, so I literally stopped the class to look for it.

–Starbucks