Customer, waiting for credit card to be approved: You sell a lot of toys here.
Bewildered cashier: Yes. That we do.
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Archive for June, 2010
Fun Game: Drink Every Time They Say “Fuck”.
Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!
–NJT Train into Penn Station
The Modern-Day Equivalent Of the Bell Tolling
Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They're usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.
–The Mill
The Beatles Movie That Was Too Bizarre, Even for British Audiences.
Daughter to mom: We can save on a hotel room if Steve* and I sleep in the same bed.
Mom: You're not sleeping in the same bed as your brother! That's insect!
Steve: It's okay, we have spray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Sean
Those That Aren't Screaming
Gray line employee #1: I hate the human race!
Gray line employee #2: They always speak well of you.
–47th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Roger
…to Satan.
Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too.
–4 Train
We Also Would Have Accepted “My Pants!”
Woman looking over jewelry on sidewalk table: Where are these necklaces from?
Seller: Wherever you want them to be from, baby.
–5th Ave & 52nd St
He Tells Everyone She's Gifted.
Young daughter, pointing: That trash can is stinky!
Haggard father: Yes, it's a very stinky trash can.
–87th St & West End
Overheard by: Special K
Like We'd Name a Street For That Guy
Woman on cell inside bus: Yeah, I'm in Kissinger Boulevard.
Bus driver: It's Kissena, hon.
Woman: I ain't talkin to you! (pause) Anyway, sorry… Kissinger. Yeah.
–Q25 Bus, Flushing
That's Not What My Junior High School Nurse Said!
Sleazy woman: You can stay over my place, and I'll blow ya and stuff, but would ya mind if we didn't screw? I'm still gettin' over a pregnancy.
Sleazier man: Well, it's not like contagious or anything…
–Night Club, Midtown