Old black hobo: Folks… Look inside your heart. I am hungry and I am homeless. Please help me with some food or something. Look inside your heart.
(young black teenager keeps waving a subway sandwich in his face while hobo continues to rant)
Old black hobo: Look inside your heart. I am so hungry. Just look inside your heart!
Young black teenager, real pissed off: Sucka, look inside this bag! There's a sandwich in here!
–1 Train
Archive for September, 2010
To Be Fair, Mel Gibson Does Pay a Lot in Taxes.
Bus driver to deranged-looking smelly, yelling guy: Sir, this is your stop. Will you please leave the bus now.
Smelly guy: I pay taxes!
–M2 Bus
Overheard by: richardnixon
…National Security Secrets!
Five-year-old: Wipe!
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!
–60th St
The Magic Eight Ball Of Our Century
Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.
–Lafayette & Walker
Overheard by: Jesse G.
On the Plus Side, Sarcasm Will Serve Him Well in This Town.
Local-seeming girl: So this is Chelsea.
Touristy guy: Hmmmm, smells really good!
(girl gives him dirty look)
–24th & 8th Ave
Apparently It's the Bitching Hour.
Girl on bench to woman walking past: Pardon me, do you have the time?
Woman, without stopping: No, I don't have the time for you, because you don't have a watch.
–19th St & Irving
Overheard by: Mikaela
Yeah, Well You Look Like Lynn from Real Housewives Of OC!
Eight-year-old boy #1: You look like an old person!
Eight-year-old boy #2: I have a good one: you look like dried cum!
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: Eric Arevalo
And Don't Even Get Me Started on Battery Park
Tourist #1: I didn't see any strawberry bushes.
Tourist #2: Yeah, I don't think I did either.
Tourist #1: False advertising again!
–Strawberry Fields
…Madame Fag-Hag.
Vaguely-homeless woman: You faggot!
Vaguely-homeless man: That's “mister faggot” to you!
–Discarded Couch, 2nd Ave & Houston
Coincidentally, “It's Magic, Bitch!” Is Sea World's Slogan.
Young guy: You know, I think I've actually eaten gator at Gatorland.
Young chick, looking exasperated: Why would they sell alligator to eat in Gatorland? That's like selling dolphin sandwiches at the aquarium!
Young guy: You're right! I better tell Shamu to watch out and go somewhere else because all I need is miracle whip and white bread, and voilá… It's magic, bitch!
–8th St & University Place