Archive for October, 2010

Eww, They're Wet!

20-something girl to friend returning from restroom: There you are! I almost sent a search party.
Friend: Yeah, I, uhm, had to go do number two.
20-something girl, enthusiastically: Awesome!
Friend: Yeah, I love a good number two.
20-something girl: Me too, man! Alriiiight! (raises hands for a high-five, then hesitates) Wait, you washed your hands, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course.
20-something girl, with renewed enthusiasm: Alriiiight! (they high five)

–Ikea, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Good thinking.

Obamacare: Explained

Girl #1: What kind of insurance do you have?
Girl #2: Well, Medicaid, but it just got cut off.
Girl #1: What? They tried that shit with me. But I called everyday until they reinstated that shit. Sometimes you just gotta act black. No offense, I can say that because I'm Puerto Rican.
Girl #2: (nods)

–Doctor's Office, Jackson Heights

Thanks to the Hypnotic Rhythm Of Our Argument

Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.

–59th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Tanker

I Just Hope It's Not a Musical

Midwestern tourist lady #1: So last night we saw this great show, Fela!, about this musician. It was so moving, and I learned so much about that political situation…
Midwestern tourist lady #2: Which political situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Well, you know, the political situation in Nigeria… And how Fela, like, helped to change it.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: But what was the situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Just like, the political situation in Nigeria.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: I see. Well, I'll try to get tickets!

–F Train

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd