Upright bassist: I want a really hot girlfriend who's like The Giving Tree, y'know, by Shel Silverstein.
More upright guitarist: Like, who gives and gives and never wants in return? Get real, man.
Bassist: I can dream, man.
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Glump
Archive for December, 2010
Oh, Spitzer, Will You Never Learn?
Skinny blond girl: So, you can do my friend for a hundred dollars.
Larger brunette: Yeah, you can have me anyway you like.
Older man: Anyway I like?
Skinny blond girl: Yeah.
Older man: How about on credit?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: MYSTI
Crocodile Is the Fabric Of Our Lives, After All.
Girl: Have you seen the new Gucci collection?
Gay friend: Can you believe they're starting to make Gucci clothes for babies? Can you imagine, like, a crocodile onesie?
(friend laughs)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Franfresca P
Raise Your Hand If You Think This Would Make a Good Performance Art Installation at the MoMA
Five-year-old boy: When I was three I saw you naked.
15-year-old brother: When I was three you weren't here.
–Pool, Red Hook
Astoria's Already on the Dark Side
Unattended older child, playing with Star Wars toy: Pew, pew, pew! I shot you, you bastard!
Younger brother: Hey, don't talk like that to Star Wars!
–McDonald's, Astoria
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Whee! It's Nonsensical Quote Day!
Girl #1: I'm sorry, Kelly, but if they are the poster child for good relationships, then Hitler should be on their poster.
–12th & 5th
Dude, You're a Little Too Proud Of Finding Waldo
High school student #1: Why did we have to read a book over the summer?
High school student #2: To keep your brain working, dickhead. You should probably try it.
–6 Train
And Thus Protected from Irony
Hobo: Can I get a dollar, so I can beat up hipsters and get booze?
Guy: I want to do that for free.
Hobo: Yeah, me too, but it's more fun when you're drunk.
–Driggs & 2nd St
Overheard by: Jppod
Frau Blücher: He Vass My Vednesday Vun-Liner!
Guy to girl in subway: I was your boyfriend in third grade, don't you remember? You left me for Tyrone because he had the 64-pack of crayons.
–BX 41 Bus
Overheard by: Stacey V
Slutty hipster on cell: Why do you keep saying "Jew" boyfriend?
–Bowery & 4th
Girl to friend: Wait, do you mean my boyfriends in general, or just my Jewish boyfriends?
–David's 24-Hour Bakery
Overheard by: Caroline
Male economics professor: You get your first boyfriend, and your satisfaction is huge. But then, you get three more boyfriends. Have any of you experienced having four boyfriends? Sometimes, they give you a headache.
–Pratt Institute
Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk
Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?
–Starbucks, Sheridan Square
Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…
–Downtown 6 Train
Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!
–49th St, Astoria
Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!
–116th St