Archive for 2010

I Just Hope It's Not a Musical

Midwestern tourist lady #1: So last night we saw this great show, Fela!, about this musician. It was so moving, and I learned so much about that political situation…
Midwestern tourist lady #2: Which political situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Well, you know, the political situation in Nigeria… And how Fela, like, helped to change it.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: But what was the situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Just like, the political situation in Nigeria.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: I see. Well, I'll try to get tickets! –F Train

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses! –Hot Dog Stand, 34th St Overheard by: gothchick Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out! –Ludow & Stanton Overheard by: M & J Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian! –14th St & 1st Ave Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl. –W 110th St Overheard by: Ashley Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello? –Union Square Overheard by: Bruce Lee

You Get a Little Something Extra with a Wednesday One-Liner Education

Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something. –Columbia University Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step… –Columbia Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia. –Bikram Yoga, Harlem Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear? –Carman Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading

The Alien Autopsy Of Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library? –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid. –Soup Kitchen, Midtown Overheard by: John Gordon Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings. –Penn Station Overheard by: Annie Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy! –Pratt Institute Overheard by: Denali

Wednesday One-Liners Need More Bandwidth

Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything. –W 28th St 20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!" –42St & 2nd Ave NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written. –Mercer & W 4th Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too 40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it. –Outside Five Guys Burgers