Archive for 2010

To Help Her Resist the Make-up Sex

20-something Puerto Rican on cell: We're walking to the court right now. Yeah, he is an asshole, she's gonna get an order of protection.
20-something black woman, yelling: Yeah, I am tired of his violent shit!
20-something Puerto Rican: Uh-huh, but we're gonna get a patty first. She's hungry.

–Jamaica Ave & 153rd St, Queens

Overheard by: walking to court

Dad's Never Forgiven Ariel for Shooting Him Down

Father: And the ending of the story…
Little girl: I don't like this story!
Father: Don't you want to know how the story ends?
Little girl: No! I don't like it!
Father: And the ending of the story is: the mermaid's brain just kept exploding forever and ever and ever. The end.

–Indian Road Cafe, 218th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Hey, at Least I Know His Name

Flamboyantly gay guy: So, did you decide whom you like better?
Girl: No. They're both so smart and funny and nice. I mean, you met Jim*, right? What did you think? He's cool, right?
Flamboyantly gay guy: He's definitely cool.
Girl, sighing: But so is Tom*! I don't know. But I do have to choose 'cause Tom is putting pressure on me.
Flamboyantly gay guy: Just answer this one question and you'll have the matter settled–whose dick is better?
Girl, shocked at first, but then earnestly: Oh, well… I've only seen Jim's.
Flamboyantly gay guy: You slept with Jim already?! Slut!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck

Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.

–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave

Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!

–N Train

Overheard by: I want some ribs too

Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!

–Baxter St & Walker St

Overheard by: Kristin

High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.

–86 St

Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!

–Downtown F Train

Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!

–11st St & 3rd Ave