Archive for 2010

I Just Hope It's Not a Musical

Midwestern tourist lady #1: So last night we saw this great show, Fela!, about this musician. It was so moving, and I learned so much about that political situation…
Midwestern tourist lady #2: Which political situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Well, you know, the political situation in Nigeria… And how Fela, like, helped to change it.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: But what was the situation?
Midwestern tourist lady #1: Just like, the political situation in Nigeria.
Midwestern tourist lady #2: I see. Well, I'll try to get tickets!

–F Train

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

You Get a Little Something Extra with a Wednesday One-Liner Education

Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.

–Columbia University

Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…

–Columbia

Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.

–Bikram Yoga, Harlem

Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?

–Carman Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading

The Alien Autopsy Of Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library?

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away

Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid.

–Soup Kitchen, Midtown

Overheard by: John Gordon

Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Annie

Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Wednesday One-Liners Need More Bandwidth

Teen girl on cell: Are you kidding, mom? Google shapes everyone's lives, whether they like it or not. You google everything.

–W 28th St

20-something-girl: He has liked every status I put up since Wednesday. I haven't spoken to him in ages. I was like, "stop peeing all over my Facebook page!"

–42St & 2nd Ave

NYU student on cell: Honestly, that blog was the most profound thing I've ever written.

–Mercer & W 4th

Overheard by: Bloggers have depth too

40-year-old woman dressed as 16-year-old, on cell: Samantha, just go on Facebook and text him already. (pause) Of course you can do that, everyone does it.

–Outside Five Guys Burgers

Speaking Of People Who'd Never Eat Cake

Passenger #1: It's like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Passenger #2: I don't get that. I mean, if I bought the cake, why wouldn't I eat it?
Passenger #1: That's not the point, if you eat the cake it's not there anymore. Get it?
Passenger #2: Then why did I buy the cake in the first place?
(15 minutes later)
Passenger #2
: But what about the cake?

Passenger #1: So did you watch The Hills last night?

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Dr.C