Archive for 2010

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers. –Midtown Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you. –Roosevelt Island Golf Center Overheard by: erak 40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts. –The High Line 60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me? –Prince & Sullivan

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him. –Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall Overheard by: i like that option… Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something. –Hudson River Park Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping… –23rd St & 8th Ave Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp! –27th & 2nd Overheard by: liz Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…" –Columbia University Overheard by: p y l

Smug, Superior Wednesday One-Liners

NYU girl: I love authentic ethnic food, but not authentic ethnic service. Could you please Americanize your demeanor when you hand me a plate? I like service with a smile. –Washington Square Park Emo girl to friend, laughing hysterically, with a huge smile on his face: Stop! You've used up two of my three allotted daily smiles. –R Train College boy: We should put them on our penises. So it looks like a smiley face every time we pee. –Williamsburg Math teacher, seeing smiley face on board: Is that a penis? –Hunter College High School