Archive for 2010

Ah, Young Love

Girl #1: Is Ryan still here? He was drunk!
Girl #2: He took a car to Williamsburg, he's probably falling asleep in some guy's ass… –Astoria Overheard by: K t tha B


An A-Train With No Flamboyant People Is Like an Aquarium With No Fish

Flamboyant man in sunglasses, after pushing his way into the closing doors: Whew, I made it, I don't have to wait 20 minutes… Where's my applause?
(two tourists applaud half-heartedly)
Flamboyant man: Thank you, thank you. Now don't you feel better now that you've applauded? –A Train


The Truth Shall Set Wednesday One-Liners Free

Young suit on cell while at bar with coworkers: Yeah, I'm still at work right now, I'll call you when I'm done. –The Dubliner Bar Overheard by: Keekz Young woman on cell: Hi, dad… Yeah, I'm in New York… Yes, I'm at Grand Central, I just got off the train. –JFK Taxi Stand Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld Earnest man on cell: Yes, no, I'm driving there. I'll be there in ten minutes. What? That's a passenger. Ten to twelve minutes… Hello? I can't talk, I don't have a headset. –B Train Overheard by: Emily Skanky girl on cell walking down street at fairly slow pace: I'm like, running. –7th Ave & 47th St Overheard by: Serena


“I'm a Wednesday One-Liners, I'm a Lover, I'm a Child, I'm a Mother…”

Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches." –4 Train Overheard by: Mollie Reznick JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch. –L Train Overheard by: high school was so two years ago Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: David G Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring. –A Train Overheard by: jm LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*! –Penn Station Overheard by: Andy


Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up. –B4 Bus Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand! –Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad. –Bus Overheard by: liz Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right! –Food Stamp Office, 14th St Overheard by: Erica Schreiner African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line. –30th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: mike v


Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait

Random girl: I think PETA should be informed any time an animal is fully submerged in a vagina. –Webster Hall Overheard by: Jen 20-something platinum blonde to another: Her vagina… Her vagina must be the size of, like, the Grand Canyon. –7th Ave & 12th St Girl, about her play: I don't think people are going to laugh about the vagina being killed on stage… Yeah, no one's gonna laugh when the vagina dies. –NYU Dude questioning another: What do mean by "moderate Taliban"? Like the women can wax their vaginas? –Elizabeth Street Young man shouting on cell: Then just tell her you don't like her vagina! –26th St & Park Ave


Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in. –Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mat Freimuth Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch! –Glendale Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair! –Hamilton Heights Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows. –65th St & Broadway


Grandma Got Run Over by a Wednesday One-Liner

SUV driver to pedicab trying to make its way through the snow: Hey, buddy! I got a reindeer, ya wanna buy it? –8th Ave & 48th St Loud 13-year-old: Shut the fuck up, it's almost Christmas. –B Train Overheard by: Taylor Middle-aged guy on cell: You'll never guess what I'm doing for Christmas. You'll never guess in a million years. (pause) Uhm, yeah, that's pretty close. –8th Ave Guy dressed in Santa costume on cell: Stop being such a weenie! –Midtown Angry little girl to older brother: If you don't let Santa out of our closet I will! –Prospect Park Overheard by: Taylor


Tonight's Movie: The Last Homorai

Black bag lady: Oh, look, I like this samurai boy here…
Attractive Asian man, passing: Ah, thank you for getting the cultural reference right!
Black bag lady: You married?
Attractive Asian man, walking away: No, I'm gay! –Long Island City