Archive for 2010

Raise Your Hand If You're Craving a Burger Now

Hot girl #1: And he said, “I hate that bitch, I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die!”
Hot girl #2: He said that?
Hot girl #1: Yep, that's what he says when he's hating on people: “I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die.”
Hot girl #2: Well, at least he's saying what I'm thinking… That's like when I see an anorexic girl, I'm like, “I just wanna shove a burger down that bitch's throat.”
Hot girl #1: Oh, well, I'm not thinking that. I'm just like, “I wanna break her bones.”
(they laugh)
Hot girl #1
: It's true! I'm like, “I just wanna blow gently, and watch you blow away.”


–L Train

Overheard by: Eden Twilight

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.

–Cosmetology Class, Astoria

Overheard by: Kelsey

Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."

–Wilson ave, Bushwick

Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.

–132nd St & Cypress

Overheard by: office drone

Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!

–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn

Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?

–Q20 Bus

Overheard by: Liza

Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners

Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)

–46th St & Broadway

Overheard by: James

Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Amused

Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Overheard by: Chad