Archive for 2010

Next Thing You Know There'll Be a Native American Princess!…Oh, Wait.

Black lady #1, looking at poster for The Princess and the Frog: The Princess and the Frog…
Black lady #2: She's black.
Black lady #1: Nawww. She ain't black.
Black lady #2: Yeah, she is.
Black lady #1: Naw! A Disney movie with a black person! That's not happening.
Black lady #2: No, really. I saw a preview for it. She's black.
Black lady #1: Wow… That's weird.

–Ziegfeld Theater

Overheard by: Willow

You'll Understand When You Have Wednesday One-Liners

Frazzled mother to young child: Hurry. Hurry. Look, the monster is going to get you if you don't walk faster!

–Queens Mall

Mother to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chicken, I'll give you a raisin.

–College Point Shopping Center

Overheard by: Yesenia

Mom speaking to son: Sweetie, do I look like a eggbeater?

–Waterside Plaza

Woman on bus to child with large hearing aid: Sit down properly! Are you listening to me?

–M23 Bus

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Mother to whiny toddler: I can't listen to you anymore! I fear for both of us.

–15th St & University Place

Overheard by: Sarah M.

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Wednesday One-Liners Are Having an Episode.

Excited train operator: This is a Brooklyn-bound f train. Please step in and stand clear of the closing doors… Did any of y'all watch Cold Case Files last night? Whoooo!

–F Train

Female suit to another: I mean, we're better off having our kids watch American Idol than Baby Einstein.

–3rd & 84th

Overheard by: Daniela

Angry woman: They lied bout all that shit! I don't care bout her baby whether she's preggo or sick. I'mma whip that ugly bitch's ass… This ain't no Leave it to Beaver nothin' !

–Q Train

Overheard by: Taylor

Loud college student: A lot of things in my life I've been mirroring after the Dog Whisperer show. You know? It's just socializing.

–Library

Overheard by: Elyse

Teenage guy to friend: Man, every time I watch tv, I fucking hate life.

–81st St & Columbus Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Have Wood.

Teenage boy: You know, if you think about it, violins are basically just giant condoms.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Older man on cell walking two giant dogs: She has a great body… When she sits, it's like a German violinist.

–Thompson Square Park

Mother to young daughter: Even if she was tired and cranky, she still shouldn't have hit you on the shoulder with a violin.

–Ave A & 6th St

Woman on cell: Let's go see the one about the transsexual violinists. (pause, yelling louder) Violinists! The transsexual violin players. Violin! (pause) You didn't say "violin"? Just transsexuals? (pause) Did you say "violence"? (pause) No? (pause) I'm not hungover!

–J Train