Archive for 2010

That's “None Of Your Fucking Business, Cunt” in New Yorker Speak

Guy #1, entering cafe, to tourist holding door: I'm not giving you a fucking tip!
Guy #2, quietly: You're welcome.
(woman comes in, guy #2 holds door again, woman nods politely)
Woman
: You're not from round here, are you?

Guy #2, in British accent: Apparently.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Calas

“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!

–Halloween Party, Tribeca

Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.

–17th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jen

60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!

–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera

Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.

–45th & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya