Archive for 2010

Wednesday One-Liners' Prints and DNA Are on File

Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!

–W 17th St

Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal

Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?

–Mid-Manhattan Library

Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.

–Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: Miss V

Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.

–Brooklyn

Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.

–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lucy

High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.

–Grand St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Wednesday One-Liners Think They Are Drinking Responsibly

Girl, as friends individually dart across street: The drunks go marching one by one, hooray, hooray!

–49th & 2nd

20-something blonde on cell outside bar: Are you drinking tonight? If not, I just want to see where you're at. Yeah, I'm drinking. I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do with you!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: maria

Girl on cell: I really miss being hungover with you. Some of my best moments were spent hungover with you…

–Union Square

Overheard by: winkinthecity

Girl, getting out of car: Man, I can't drink no more, but I tell you, I feel fiiiiiiinnneee. (girl gets back in car, which drives away)

–69th St & Narrows Ave

Overheard by: Domi

Youngish guy to youngish gal: Well, that won't stop her, she can drink through the window!

–6th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Eve

Meet the Only Guy in the U.S. Who Liked Nights in Rodanthe

Girlfriend to boyfriend walking out of movie theater: That was kinda lame… I totally saw that ending coming.
Boyfriend: I don't know, I kind of liked it.
Girlfriend, raising voice: What do you mean you liked it?
Boyfriend: It was entertaining.
Girlfriend: Oh, so now you're gonna tell me that you liked it more than Sherlock Holmes?
Boyfriend: Actually, yeah…
Girlfriend, angry and yelling: What the fuck? What is wrong with you? I can't believe this!

–Outside Chelsea Clearview Cinema

Overheard by: J Wing

It's Enough to Have an Albanian Boyfriend Who Beats Me

20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning
: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.

20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?

–6 Train

Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?

I'd Stay Upwind

Man to girl and friend: Excuse me, excuse me, are you New Yorkers?
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I'm from Jersey, what do you want?
Man: I'm promoting a spa on 5th Avenue where you can get very clean.
Jersey girl, annoyed: No, I like being dirty. Goodbye!
(man looks surprised)
Girl's friend
: She wasn't coming on to you. She means actually dirty.


–Penn Station