Archive for 2010

Ada Had an Identical Conversation With the Doctor About Her Husband's Viagra Prescription

Older woman: Excuse me, have you found a set of keys in here?
Teller: No, ma'am.
Older woman: They're not mine, they're a friend's.
Teller: We haven't found any.
Older woman: If I lost my keys, I would be upset, and would want the the person who found them to give them back.
Teller: We haven't found your keys.
Older woman: If they were my keys I would be very upset right now.

–Bank, Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Wednesday One-Liners Treat Women and Men the Same

Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?

–School of Visual Arts

Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?

–Lower East Side

College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.

–LIRR

Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.

–Union Square

Overheard by: alib

Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?

–177th St & Broadway

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go under 50 MPH or They'll Explode

30-something guy to friend: It's just like I always say! The Germans should've bombed New York!

–8th St

Guy with rainbow bead necklace, about protesters of Scientology: Nobody gets the point across without explosions.

–Outside Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: Unlucky at Lotto

Man at Yankee parade: C'mon guys! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

–Broadway & Murray Street

Overheard by: Kat

Woman: The last time I blew up my nether regions.

–Imperial Theater, 57th

Give Me Credit for Waiting to Make a Move

Hobo: Hey, c'mon now, we know each other what, ten years? Ten years, we be saying “hi” to each other. No need to act like that.
Professional-looking lady: You put your hand on my ass!
Hobo: Oh, that didn't mean nothing. C'mon, we be friends. Ever day we say “hi” and smile and talk while we walk and now you gettin' all riled on me.
Professional lady: You put your grimy, damn hand on my ass.
Hobo: Oh, that was just a friendly little touch. C'mon, now, we friends. We know each other too long to let somethin' like this cause problems. Ten years. What's your name again?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

When Did New Yorkers Start Staring at Weirdos?

Teen #1: I can't believe you've never seen Rejected. It's all over the internet. You quote it all the time!
Teen #2: I do?
Teen #1: Yeah! “My spoon is too big!”
Random guy several seats away: “My anus is bleeding!”
Teen #1: Yaaaay!
Random guy: Now everyone on the train is staring at me like.Who is that weirdo? Except for you.
Teen #2, a minute later: What did he say about his anus?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox