Archive for 2010

John Lennon: “All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.

–St. Mark's

Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.

–Grahm Ave & Conseleya

Overheard by: Minna

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: John

Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!

–Staples Store

Overheard by: venniblue

Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Simon Cowell: Your Wednesday One-Liner Was Just Horrible!

Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!

–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th

Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!

–Actor's Equity Building

Overheard by: Natalie

Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Chris K.

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O'Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

Wednesday RU-486-Liners

Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Overheard by: Jill

30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.

–Abortion Clinic, Queens

Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!

–W Train