Nope, Raised in a Barn

Old lady to weird guy: Get up! Get up! Can’t you see that that woman has two young children? [Weird guy reluctantly gets up.] You must be an orphan.
Weird guy: Fuck off. [He moves away and departs at the next stop.]
Old lady: What? He was getting off at the next stop? He must be an orphan.

–A train

Overheard by: rachel

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Wait for Casual Friday

Suit to table of coworkers: … And I still shit on the floor!

–Lombardi’s, Spring St

Overheard by: bdangadang

Suit on cell: No, I’m just saying that you are being very unresponsive… Unresponsive! Do you know what unresponsive means? … Hello?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: amanda

Suit answering cell: Hi. Yeah, I’m just being screwed in Penn Station…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: walty

Suit on cell: Wait, he really locked himself in the car? Shit, he’s seriously going to blow his brains out… I know, call Denise. We’re fucked.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: CK

Suit on cell: So, apparently they think that I think I’m, like, Britney Spears or something…

–42nd & Park