Wake Up and Smell the Coffee, Honey!

Girl #1: Yeah, I guess I should have seen it coming. I mean, he bought himself like every season of the Gilmore Girls. Nothing straight about that.
Girl #2: My boyfriend likes the Gilmore Girls.
Girl #1. Oh, well, yeah… I mean, it is a pretty good show.
Girl #2
: He really has the hots for Lorelai.

Girl #1: Yeah, okay.

–Starbucks

Glad We Cleared That Up

Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things! [Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN? [To the rest of the car] It was my husband. –Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station

Jesus Was a Wednesday One-Liner, Y'know

Construction worker to another: You're already a pain in my balls! Imagine if you were foreman!

–Carmine St

Overheard by: Laura

Construction worker to another: So I chased it around, but then I got tired, so I just squished it.

–72nd & 3rd Ave

Construction worker catcalling tall blonde Barnard student: Hey nice girl! Hey! Hey nice girl!

–116th & Brodway

Construction worker, singing loudly: Oh, come all ye faithf… (notices girl with cigarette) Oh, yeah baby, smoke it! Smoke it like a chimney!

–Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: fetishgirl


Mortal Wednesday One-Liners

Loud old lady: I pray for death every day, because if you pray for death, you will never die.

–Metro-North train

Guy giving directions to friend: I think it’s near the corner where we saw that lady get killed.

–W 32nd St, near 6th Ave

Overheard by: Personally, I would avoid that corner.

Man on cell: No, you have to hide the body.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: alex

Man on cell: I don’t know! He just called me up and said that I owe him 50 grand and that he’s coming to kill me… Yeah, I told him I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he said he’s coming to kill me anyway.

–77th & Broadway

Man, about his time in halfway house: Murderers are just the nicest people, you know? I mean, they really understand human suffering.

–F train

Shabby guy on cell: Why should I be the only man that never died from a piece of ass?

–55th & Madison

I’m Guessing Someplace in Long Island

Chick #1: Hey, guess what I found out?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Bugs Bunny is from Brooklyn!
Chick #2: That’s bullshit. Last time I checked, Bugs Bunny lived in a hole, not a brownstone.
Chick #1: Ha, ha! I love you. I swear, you’re so witty sometimes. I’m not even kidding.
Chick #2: I know, right? I don’t know where I come up with this stuff. –Rockefeller Plaza