There Is No Defense Against Fresh Fruit

Teen to another, playing fruit ninja on phone: Mango! Apple! Lime! Apple! Bomb! Mango! Rare fruit! Rare fruit! Rare fruit!
Woman across. taking apple out of bag and throwing it at screaming teen: Shut the fuck up!

–Uptown 1 Train


Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Tiaras

JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.

–Spot’s Café

JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!

–Hunter College

Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.

–University & 12th

JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!

–17th & 6th

NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!

–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Maya G.

Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ponine

Our Gaydar Went Off at “Beverages”

Guy #1: Let's sit in those seats so we can consume our beverages.
Guy #2: No, if we sit together people will think we're gay.
Guy #1: Not if I'm drinking soda!

–1 Train