Girls, in Short.

Short girl to taller friend trying on jeans: Who in the world is suppose to fit these? What long legged creature was this made for?
Friend, seeing tall modelesque girl passing by: Well, I guess her?
Short girl: I'm not jealous!
Friend: Yes you are!
Shorter girl: Maybe just a little.

–Barneys New York

Overheard by: Izzy


Wednesday One-Liners (And That's No Joke.)

Exasperated girl: You can't even joke about jumping anymore!

–NYU Palladium Residence Hall

Overheard by: Mickey

Teen girl about friend with butter-phobia: And then we got some on a spoon and started trying to touch her with it and she started screaming! Shit, it was so funny! It sounded like she was getting raped.

–Bx16 Bus

Overheard by: Lillian

Thug on cell: Yo, someone just fell down the subway! I know, right, that shit's funny.

–A Train

Man in hat to friends: Yo, I got a headache… I been laughing at people too hard, man.

–1 Train

Overheard by: usually laughs softly


Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: We will soon arrive in Penn Station, the happiest place on Earth. Penn Station is next.

–LIRR

Overheard by: MineolaBoy

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Let’s go be happy in front of miserable people!

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Ashley

Hot chick on cell to girlfriend: I am really happy that she is now dating Greg… I am over him… But I am cuter than her!

–X28 Express Bus to Bensonhurst, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PDG

Middle-aged woman: Listen, I don’t need no husband. You see how happy I am? It’s because I have two cats and a vegetable crisper. I don’t need no freakin’ husband!

–Hair salon, East Village

Overheard by: edensnake

Security guard frowning at metal detector: This is my happy face.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: rage gage

The Gospel According to Johanna

Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?

–47th & Lex