Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Twist!

Hot British chick on cell, looking through her bag: Oh, dear! I still have your knickers!

–Outside FIT

Overheard by: epsd101

Disgusted teen to pals: You don’t put dirty underwear in a Marc Jacobs handbag!

–75th & Park

Overheard by: Oh to be Priveledged…

Whiny girl: I feel so shitty tonight, like if my D cups were B cups or something.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Trixie

Asian guy to another: By the end of the summer, both of us better be A cups!

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Girl: What do you mean you don’t know?! Look in your underwear!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: Thinking about my tighty-whities

Angina, Mangina

Daughter: Yeah, and it turns out she has an extra valve in her heart!
Dad: Whoa, what does that do?
Daughter: It messes with her hormones… and stuff…
Dad: What, does she think she’s a man?

–Times Square

How Do You Like It?

Toddler girl, crying: Everything smells like poooooop!
Annoyed mom: That's the city!

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Philosopher


Swirl Was Always My Favorite Kind Of Soft-Serve Ice Cream

Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emily

Those Incomprehensible Youth Gay Codes

Boy inside elevator: Going up?
Boy outside elevator: I’m going down.
Boy inside elevator: Well, I’m in the elevator, and I’m going up.
Boy outside elevator: Oh…fine, be that way. –Lafeyette Street Residence Guy #1: Dude, you still sleeping in the closet?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: You got an air mattress or anything in there yet?
Guy #2: Yeah, I’ve got a little mattress in there now. Still pretty sad though…I’m also drunk. –East Campus dorm, Columbia University Overheard by: merrellham

Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity

Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!

Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!

–Times Square Shuttle Platform

Overheard by: D-Law

Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?

–Rockefeller Center

Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Overheard by: Matt

Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.

–The Cloisters, Harlem

Overheard by: M@

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but the Macarena

Hipster girl: I didn’t do too much… I had a dance-off with a shark…

–East Village

Overheard by: hoping she won

Conductor: No train Hokey Pokey! Either you’re in or you’re out!

–7 train, Grand Central

Overheard by: 7 train day tornado hit brooklyn

40-ish blonde on cell: So, he thought it was going to be more than a dinner date. That prick wanted to bang me after dinner. I just wanted a dance partner I could throw away at the end of the night.

–39th & 3rd

Overheard by: Mark

Street performer, to crowd: Get closer — we don’t have weapons… Don’t be scared, it’s just black guys dancing!

–New York Public Library

Guy to female passersby, about Chuck Taylors: My grandmother had a pair of those shoes. She used to breakdance with a wooden leg.

–Paul Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Lillian