…Let Me Get One of Those Straight-People Double-Ended Dildos…

Man to confused ladies turning around to exit porn shop: We have straight stuff too!
Women, re-entering store: Oh! In that case…

–Chelsea

Headline by: Paul Tabachneck

Runners-Up:
· “All Our Dildos Are Unisex…” – Jacques

· “But You’ll Need to Enter the Store Via the Front Door” – Zorak
· “Do You Have Any Dildos Shaped Like Clay Aiken?” – Clay got a bitch preggers…
· “I’ll Take 600 Of Your Finest, Blackest Dildos, Please.” – porter
· “Ironically, It’s In the Rear.” – Allison
· “It´s In the Back Behind the Curtain” – Deek


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

He’s Still Bummed Because of It

Hobo: If anyone messes with you in the office, just take the palm of your hand an shove it into his nose. Once he messes with you he ain’t Jerry from accounting no more; he’s an assailant and the rest of the office will respect and fear you.
Woman: How did your last office job work out? –L train Overheard by: JDS

Now I Fantasize about Suicide, Like Everybody Else in the City

Lady: Wow, that really sucks…
Man: Yeah, you never know how useful all your fingers are until you lose one. And you know what’s so crazy? I used to fantasize about cutting one of my fingers off before this happened.
Lady: Are you serious? Which one?
Man: I couldn’t decide…

–2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: bestbelieve

Wednesday $11.75-a-Pack???! Liners

Petite woman with West Virginia accent: And I said you are out of your cotton-pickin' mind if you think I'm going to watch six hours of tv without cigarettes!

–2nd Ave & 7th St

Young guy buying cigarettes: Why's cancer so expensive, man?

–Deli, W 3rd b/w MacDougal & Sullivan

Woman smoking cigarette: We should walk further east to avoid that Times Square pollution.

–7th Ave & 31st St

Bus driver, giving a tour of the city: And to your right, you'll see several people smoking their lunch.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ate A Sandwich Instead


Reader Poll: Should Jack Be Worried?

20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.

–Union Square