Tourist lady: Oh my god! Oh my god! That’s ground zero! –Construction site, 42nd & 6th
Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”
–High Street Train Station
Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat!
Overheard by: LP
Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish.
Overheard by: ak
Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses!
–R train, Canal St
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lesley
Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn!
Overheard by: megan
Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster.
–Wall St & Nassau
Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop!
–44th St & Lex
Overheard by: Made my morning
Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh. –JFK Overheard by: Pierre-FranÃ§ois Dubois
Teacher: Settle down! You three are always running around like you’re in a parade or something!
Goofus: Mister, you’re your own gay pride parade. –R train
Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!
–LIRR to Shea Stadium
Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!
–Manhattan-bound 6 train
Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat
15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.
Overheard by: Andy
Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.
Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!
–88th & Amsterdam
Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…
–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Evan
Guy, looking at historic buildings: This is the kind of thing they should have taught us in school.
Girl: Yeah, there's a lot of things that schools didn't teach us.
Guy: I think a bug just flew into my nose.
Guy: It's squirming around in there. It's really uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it.
Overheard by: Kevin
8-year-old: Today Jahzeer and Wassef told Steven he was gay and lesbian! And Steven started to cry!
Older sister: Oh. And did you tell them that wasn’t very nice?
8-year-old: No. The teacher started yelling at them! It was very entertaining. I was excited to be there.
Overheard by: Amy
Guy #1: Did you see Schwarzenegger's maid?
Guy #2: She probably wasn't that bad ten years ago.
Guy #1: Well she looks like Carlos Santana today.
–Downtown 1 Train
Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.
Overheard by: Kelly
Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’
–Albert Einstein College of Medicine
Overheard by: BuddyblueJD
15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!
—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25
20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.
–45th & 3rd
Overheard by: mkr
Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!
–25th & 1st