Archive for January, 2011

There Are Niche Fetishists Who Would Pay Top Dollar for That Footage

Guy #1: I just don't like the look of the outie. And sometimes she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she's fuckin' hot! And you're complaining when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she's not rubbing against me, she's rubbing the outie against me–big difference! And she's only doing it to creep me out, 'cause she thinks it's funny. –6 Train

Raise Your Hand If You Assumed It Was a Harry Potter Thing.

Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some triffles!
(tired mother ignores her)
Six-year old girl: Triffles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want triffles! Triffles, triffles, triffles!
Tired mother: What the hell is a triffle? I don't even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me neither. –Crown Heights Overheard by: Now I really wanna know

…Um, I've Heard That Works Really Well.

Teenager #1: Aw, that guy was so cute! He'd better be there when I go return my skates.
Teenager #2: You should find out his number or something.
Teenager #1: Nah, that's too awkward.
Teenager #2: Just ask his name from one of the other workers, and say you wanna report him to the manager… But then really just stalk him on Facebook! –Ice Skating Rink, Bryant Park Overheard by: lol

These Wednesday One-Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet. –63rd & Amsterdam Ave Suit: Yeah, I didn't even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine! –Wall Street Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I'm driving my body… –Cooper Union Foundation Building Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better. –52nd & 10th Overheard by: krysta

One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Wednesday

Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake! –St. Mark's Place Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one! –Central Park Overheard by: Katherine Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie… –NYU Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom? –82nd & Central Park West

Wednesday One-Liners in Velour Hats with Leopard Trim

Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side's for pimps and that side's for players. I'm a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That's how we do it, pimp style. –115th & 7th, Harlem Overheard by: beeloo Female college student: Valentine's Day? Girl, pimps don't do Valentine's. –1 Train Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody. –86th & 4th, Brooklyn Elderly man to even more elderly man: I'm gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street! –Times Square