Archive for January, 2011

Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple, Open the Doors and See All the Wednesday One-Liners

Catholic schoolgirls coming out of subway station, in unison: All those nuns care about is fucking us!

–Canal & Varick

Girl on phone, mocking tone: Oh, he's at church, huh? I don't know why he goes to church, he's going to hell anyway, ain't no room for a Blood in heaven!

–BedStuy

Woman: I wanted to raise them Quaker; I just never got around to it.

–The Village

Overheard by: Aaron

Old lady: Well, she's a bitch to say she's religious!

–Madison Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Sexting

Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eric S

Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.

–14th St

Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob Gioia

Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Nunez

Where Do You Stand on Honky Tonk Bars?

Female lawyer #1: So we stopped and ate at Cracker Barrel.
Female lawyer #2: Oh, my husband loves Cracker Barrel!
Male lawyer #1: How come it's okay to have a restaurant named Cracker Barrel, but when there was a restaurant chain called Sambo's, they were forced to change their name?
Male lawyer #2: And what about the Washington Redskins?
Male lawyer #1: Yeah, imagine if they had a team named The Darkies?
Male lawyer #2: So how come nobody forces the Redskins to change their name?
Male lawyer #1: Cause, when's the last time you saw a mob of Indians kick someone's ass?
Male lawyer #2: Custer?
Male lawyer #1: I rest my case.
Female lawyer #2: And just what does any of this have to do with Cracker Barrel?
Male lawyer #1: You ever take a look at who eats there?

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Now, Just to Be Clear, Would That Train Take Me to Funkytown?

Young lady suit #1, about old lady suit screaming insanely on phone: You hear her? Yeah, she's… She's on the wrong track, I think. She might actually be getting on the crazy train soon.
Young lady suit #2: Yeah, the crazy train.
Young lady suit #1: She's going to take the crazy train all the way to crazy town. I bet it's a magic town.
Young lady suit #2: Sure, it's magic.
Young lady suit #1: A magic town. You'd need a special train to get there. It must be the Hogwarts express.
Young lady suit #2: I think I'll take your calls today.
Young lady suit #1: I'll see you on the platform.

–27th St & Park Ave

Ever Feel This Way About Life?

Clueless European tourist: Is this the train to, um, men-a-tin?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: Where?
Clueless European tourist, carefully: Man-hat-tan?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: You're in Manhattan already!
Clueless European tourist, looking around confused: Um, downtown?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: That's the only place this train goes. You can't go anywhere else from here!

–A Train, 207th St

Overheard by: The Green Cat