Archive for January, 2011

…Um, I've Heard That Works Really Well.

Teenager #1: Aw, that guy was so cute! He'd better be there when I go return my skates.
Teenager #2: You should find out his number or something.
Teenager #1: Nah, that's too awkward.
Teenager #2: Just ask his name from one of the other workers, and say you wanna report him to the manager… But then really just stalk him on Facebook!

–Ice Skating Rink, Bryant Park

Overheard by: lol

These Wednesday One-Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.

–63rd & Amsterdam Ave

Suit: Yeah, I didn't even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!

–Wall Street

Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I'm driving my body…

–Cooper Union Foundation Building

Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.

–52nd & 10th

Overheard by: krysta

One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Wednesday

Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!

–St. Mark's Place

Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Katherine

Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…

–NYU

Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?

–82nd & Central Park West

Wednesday One-Liners in Velour Hats with Leopard Trim

Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side's for pimps and that side's for players. I'm a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That's how we do it, pimp style.

–115th & 7th, Harlem

Overheard by: beeloo

Female college student: Valentine's Day? Girl, pimps don't do Valentine's.

–1 Train

Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody.

–86th & 4th, Brooklyn

Elderly man to even more elderly man: I'm gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable… (Bow Chicka Bow Wow!)

Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn't a porn shop!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jingles

30-something woman on cell: I'm not bringing the baby to the porn convention!

–Hilton Theater

Man on phone: Did you say "corn" or "porn"?

–Onion News Network

Overheard by: Kaze

Man to wife: Don't worry, I don't need to upgrade. That's what porn is for!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: mel

Here's the Church, Here's the Steeple, Open the Doors and See All the Wednesday One-Liners

Catholic schoolgirls coming out of subway station, in unison: All those nuns care about is fucking us!

–Canal & Varick

Girl on phone, mocking tone: Oh, he's at church, huh? I don't know why he goes to church, he's going to hell anyway, ain't no room for a Blood in heaven!

–BedStuy

Woman: I wanted to raise them Quaker; I just never got around to it.

–The Village

Overheard by: Aaron

Old lady: Well, she's a bitch to say she's religious!

–Madison Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Sexting

Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eric S

Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.

–14th St

Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob Gioia

Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Nunez