Young slacker: I lost my grandmother today.
Young psychotic friend: Oh, don't worry, she will come back soon, if she has no car.
Young slacker: She's dead, asshole!
Young psychotic friend: Oh. I'm really sorry, it's true.
Young slacker: Don't worry, it was funny.
Young psychotic friend: Okay.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Athanagore Crumb
Archive for February, 2011
…Unless You're Prepared to Fight Him
Young child to mother, about irritated customer: Mommy, is that guy a dumb-ass?
Mother: Yes, darling, he is, but that's not a polite thing to say.
–62nd & 1st
Overheard by: Vega
Eating Animal Crackers Has This Effect on a Lot Of People.
20-something hipster guy with big curly hair: Amphibians are gonna die soon.
20-something hipster chick: Yeah…
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: HarlemRy
Not to Mention That They're Doing the Chicken Dance
Kid #1: Oh, man, it smells like fucking bar mitzvah in here!
Kid #2: What?
Kid #1 You know, like a bunch of old guys in suits wearing bad cologne… Bar mitzvah!
–Laguardia High School
Why Else Do You Think Ginger Spice Always Has Such a Bitchface?
Guy: He's just pissed because he has ginger pubes.
Girl: I would be too!
–2nd & 2nd
Ricardo Makes a Splash Wherever He Goes.
Guy sitting on bar stool: What about Titanic? Titanic? Did you like Titanic?
Mexican waiter: Titanic?
Guy sitting on bar stool: Yes, Titanic.
Mexican waiter: I don't know. I don't like fish.
–The Flame Diner, 58th & Columbus
Overheard by: Tracy
Said She'd Never Been Shortchanged Like That Before
Passenger in taxi: Have you ever kissed any of the woman you have given rides home to?
Taxi driver: No, but I fucked one once.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: crookfromthebrook
Wasn't That You?
Student #1: Christian Bale lost like 60 lbs, for The Machinist, then he he gained it back again for Batman. Now he lost it all again for The Fighter. I'm actually legitimately afraid of him; He's crazy.
Student #2: Remember when he got in trouble for that alleged domestic dispute against his mother?
Student #1: Remember when he flipped out on that DP on the Terminator set?
Student #2: Remember when he almost fed that kitten into an ATM?
–Columbia University
More Collateral Damage from Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark
Iraq war veteran/homeless man: You look familiar.
Ugly toothless woman: Where?
Iraq war veteran/homeless man: I don't know… You been on Broadway or something?
Ugly toothless woman: (shakes head no)
–L Train
Overheard by: Meg
Just Remember to Grasp the Stem Firmly
Hobo to student with flowers: Hey kid, these are for whom?
Student: For me, actually. They are so pretty.
Hobo: That's right! Good for you. First: do not give to humans, they suck! Second: to give flowers is like masturbation: it's better when you give to yourself!
–F Train