Archive for February, 2011

Why Do All Of Our Conversations End with That?

Girl #1: I hate her. She's such a stuck up bitch.
Girl #2: Oh, kind of like us?
Girl #1: I guess. I don't know, she just really looks like a chipmunk.
Girl #2: I love woodland creatures!

–Columbia University


The Most Interesting Man in the World Is Pretty Fucking Spoiled

Annoying woman on the subway #1: Is it because of my job that he don't want to talk to me?
Annoying woman on the subway #2: Yo, you listen to me. It don't matter if you workin' the corners way downtown or makin' some money on some Wall Street shit. He shouldn't care that you're an exotic dancer.
Annoying woman on the subway #1: You know what? You're damn right! I mean, sure he don't like me showin' my behind in front of otha men; but his last girl really did work the corners! So he just just shut the fuck up and deal with it.

–1 Train


In Chicago, It'd Be “Jason's Camera Got Shot”

Girl #1: So Jason's camera got stolen.
Girl #2: So?
Girl #1: So it sucks because he doesn't have one now and he'll have to buy a new one.
Girl #2: Look, I know you grew up here and all, but you have to remember I grew up in Detroit, things like that don't faze us. Tell me something big, like “Jason got shot”, then maybe I'll listen.

–Chelsea


You Mean, Like, a Gender Reassignment?

Asian 20-something #1: She only dates white guys.
Asian 20-something #2: So?
Asian 20-something #1: They've been together for five years!
Asian 20-something #2: So what? She's ready for a change.

–6 Train


Wednesday One-Liners, High and in School

Teen girl to friends: I'm ready to get drunk and make some mistakes this weekend! What up? High five it!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: ethan

Teen kid to another: I got mad homework… I got my Foot Locker job… I got my girl… Yo, son, you gotta get it done, land that shit in the Hudson, son!

–J Train

Overheard by: Ed O'Neill

Teenage girl: Eww! That's so gross. There's nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than pregnancy, babies, and tourists. Good thing I'm not any one of those!

–1 Train

Teenage boy to friends: You know I've never been grounded? Not even that one time when I hit my dad back.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Evan M

Teen girl to friend: Wait a second… So you can't get pregnant if you're both wearing jeans, right?

–Outside Catholic High School, Queens


Pow, Alice, Right in the Wednesday One-Liners!

Tiny boy to another, pointing at crowd exiting the subway station: Look! It's our audience for the smackdown!

–Carroll St

Overheard by: kdice

20-something girl to another: Have you ever seen my legs? My legs will, like, choke you, forever.

–Prince St.

Overheard by: Roland McFly

Cop: I'm gonna smack somebody!

–Chinatown

Overheard by: chris k.

Angry girl: I didn't give him a hickey, I just bit him!

–Bowery & 3rd St

Street vendor to customer: My big boy, he'll beat you up. But he won't try to hurt you.

–Livingston & Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: KP Whitey

Very persistent girl on cell: Come out with me! Get emancipated! Just doctor a video of your parents beating you and get emancipated, and I'll adopt you, and then we can go out.

–Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: amalthya


Wednesday Airliners

Mother to young daughter freaking out over some turbulence: Calm down! I'll let you know when it's time to start panicking!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Max

Pilot, making announcement: Thank you for flying American Airlines. It's been a pleasure having your mom with us today.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Sunny

Flight attendant, giving safety talk: If you are flying with young children, put on your own mask first; if you are flying with two young children, choose the one with the most college potential.

–Baltimore-New York Flight

Overheard by: KingoftheNighttimeSquirrels

Gay guy welcoming passengers on plane: Alright everybody, have a great time, good luck on the bikini contest! (to random woman), Don't worry, I have faith you'll win! (to random man) You can be the judge!

–Delta Airline Leaving LaGuardia

Overheard by: taylor

Woman to friend, after airplane dropped slightly: Whoa, all the blood just like, rushed back into my ovaries!

–Entering LaGuardia airport

Overheard by: taylor

Airplane maintenance worker entering jetway, exasperated and surprised: Woah… Uh, oh, wrong plane.

–Laguardia Airport

Overheard by: Afrocurl


Sparkling Wednesday One-Liners

Gay man: I think my blood type has recently changed from O positive to Cabernet.

–Greenwich Wine Bar

Overheard by: Bri

Woman with too much makeup on cell: What the fuck is a Demi Lovato? Some kinda sweet wine?

–Limelight Market, 20th St. & 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Manhattman

Coworker: Oooh, I can't believe I'm going there. I can't wait to pay $20 for a glass of champagne tonight!

–Office Building, Union Square

Overheard by: cube girl

Guy on cell waiting to cross street: Which kind of art is impressionism? (pause) Oh, yeah, I really like the older stuff. But we should totally go. I bet they'll have free wine.

–23rd and 7th

Suit on cell: I'm not good at saying this because I am such a hollow and disturbed individual, but… I love you… And that's not just the wine talking.

–43rd & 9th

Overheard by: or maybe it is…


Wednesday One-Liner, Where Are You?

British guy: Oh, Toronto. Is that near Japan?

–L Train

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Dad to small children: Look kids, this is Central Park!

–Washington Square Park

Gray-haired suit to colleagues: They're going to Spain, Morocco, and Madrid. (pauses) Madrid is a country, right?

–Uptown A Train

Tourist on the corner of 45th and Broadway, pointing in random direction: Times Square is that way!

–45st & Broadway

Hefty white man in the back of pedicab: Alright, keep going… (long pause, then loudly) But you're wrong!

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli