Archive for February, 2011

Even If I Am Itching to Get Laid.

Girl #1: So did you end up hooking up with that on your birthday?
Girl #2: No. I realized the risk wasn't worth it. Birthday or no birthday, I don't know where he's been.
Girl #1: Soooo true!
Girl #2: Besides, I don't think the sex would have been that good anyway.
Girl #1: Yeah, he doesn't look like he'd be that good in bed. Definitely not worth the risk of contracting herpes.
Girl #2: Definitely not.

–Beauty Bar, 14th & 3rd

There's No Defense Against Kindness

Passerby to man: I know you! You're a good guy, man.
Man: You don't know me.
Passerby: I've seen you around here a couple of times.
Man: You don't know me!

–3rd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Katherine

You're Going to Need to Be More Specific.

Girl to guy: That's exactly what my brother said.
Guy: Which brother?
Girl: The hot one.
Guy: Which one is the hot one?
Girl: The black one.

–78th St & York

Overheard by: carey

Regardless, You'll Be Judged.

Judge: So I'll adjourn this trial to April 12, 2012.
Lawyer: They say the world may end in 2012.
Judge: Then I recommend you settle the case.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Your Editors Are Sheepishly Raising Our Hands

NYU student #1: The fire alarm went off in the building at, like, 1 am last night. It was semi-terrifying. I was so mad.
NYU student #2: Who set it off?
NYU student #1: I don't know, I think someone burned toast in their room.
NYU student #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU student #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep frying pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?


Wednesday One-Liner Talk With Linda Richman

Woman on cell: I can't find you. What are you near? (pause) You're near a Starbucks?

–Herald Square, Corner of Starbucks & Starbucks

Overheard by: Eve

Southern male tourist, very excited: I found a Starbucks, honey!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Charley

Flamboyant black man with coffee, pushing his way through crowd, loudly: I got coffee and I'm not saying "excuse me." I'm not sick in the head.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: erkala

Pudgy Southern tourist woman to pudgy southern tourist man: Look, honey, there's Starbucks! Oh! Oh! Look, there's Starbucks!

–Washington & Albany

30-something woman to ex: The answer is no. And if I change my mind, I'm not going to let my ego get in the way of calling you, but no fucking way. A whiskey? Sure. Sex? Maybe. But there is no fucking way I am getting coffee with you.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Evan

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners…”

Chic blonde girl to chic blonde friend: I was like "I don't really know what's going on mentally, but your hair looks really good."

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Rose

Loud mixed race Jamaican woman to blonde woman asking her to be quiet: You think you so great? You got blonde hair… I got blonde hair!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Fred

Cat fight spectator: Oh, shit… She ripped out her track… Shit, there's mad weaves on the floor!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: love my school

Young man in elevator to friend: He's taller than me with my hair gelled.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Jim N

Man to wife, during intermission: I don't think anyone gets killed, I think someone gets a haircut.

Marriage of Figaro,Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Cheryl