Archive for February, 2011

There's No Defense Against Kindness

Passerby to man: I know you! You're a good guy, man.
Man: You don't know me.
Passerby: I've seen you around here a couple of times.
Man: You don't know me!

–3rd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Katherine

Regardless, You'll Be Judged.

Judge: So I'll adjourn this trial to April 12, 2012.
Lawyer: They say the world may end in 2012.
Judge: Then I recommend you settle the case.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Your Editors Are Sheepishly Raising Our Hands

NYU student #1: The fire alarm went off in the building at, like, 1 am last night. It was semi-terrifying. I was so mad.
NYU student #2: Who set it off?
NYU student #1: I don't know, I think someone burned toast in their room.
NYU student #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU student #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep frying pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?


Wednesday One-Liner Talk With Linda Richman

Woman on cell: I can't find you. What are you near? (pause) You're near a Starbucks?

–Herald Square, Corner of Starbucks & Starbucks

Overheard by: Eve

Southern male tourist, very excited: I found a Starbucks, honey!

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Charley

Flamboyant black man with coffee, pushing his way through crowd, loudly: I got coffee and I'm not saying "excuse me." I'm not sick in the head.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: erkala

Pudgy Southern tourist woman to pudgy southern tourist man: Look, honey, there's Starbucks! Oh! Oh! Look, there's Starbucks!

–Washington & Albany

30-something woman to ex: The answer is no. And if I change my mind, I'm not going to let my ego get in the way of calling you, but no fucking way. A whiskey? Sure. Sex? Maybe. But there is no fucking way I am getting coffee with you.

–Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: Evan

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners…”

Chic blonde girl to chic blonde friend: I was like "I don't really know what's going on mentally, but your hair looks really good."

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Rose

Loud mixed race Jamaican woman to blonde woman asking her to be quiet: You think you so great? You got blonde hair… I got blonde hair!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Fred

Cat fight spectator: Oh, shit… She ripped out her track… Shit, there's mad weaves on the floor!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: love my school

Young man in elevator to friend: He's taller than me with my hair gelled.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Jim N

Man to wife, during intermission: I don't think anyone gets killed, I think someone gets a haircut.

Marriage of Figaro,Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Cheryl

What's Wednesday and One-Liner and Red All Over?

Gay guy to friend: I was like "bitch, either you got regular flow or heavy flow, which one is it?"

–14th St & Broadway

Blonde on cell: Okay, so when does your period start? (pause) Monday? Okay, that's great!

–High Line

30-something on cell: Ugh. Now my periods are like miscarriages.

–Bleecker & Bowery

Woman to cashier: You guys don't got no air on in here? Mmm-mmmmm. Y'all got menopausal women comin' up in here? Uh-uh.

–Omega Gourmet Deli, 125th St

Overheard by: Alex G.

Brunette to stranger: Don't stand too close to me, I'm on my period. And it's the second day, so it's a really heavy flow. (guy makes disgusted face) Just kidding, I'm pregnant!

–116 St & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie

A Wednesday One-Liner a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Furious teenage girl to boyfriend: Who's the cantaloupe now, motherfucker?

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny

Man to bodega vendor: What would you get a girl for two dollars? I think I'll go with the grapefruit.

–Bleecker St

Guy eating watermelon: Fucking seedless, my ass!

–Central Park

Female suit: She was flying down the stairs with her dress up, no panties, half of her ass hanging out, and a banana in her mouth.

–57th St &7th Ave

Overheard by: varumarke

20-something, cheerfully: We make the goo! It's fresh goo, and the strawberries are real!

–Carroll St & Kingston Ave

Overheard by: Scared of the goo!