Archive for March, 2011

You're On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease. –1 Train Overheard by: Jessica

Figures That the Chicken Lady Went to Barnard

Barnard girl #1: No, if he gave birth to babies, he's not a man.
Barnard girl #2: Yes he is! He identifies as a man!
Barnard girl #1: I can identify as whatever the hell I want, that doesn't make it true. Watch. I'm a chicken. Poof! See? It didn't work. –116th St Overheard by: Barnard Bear

Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick's friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she's having an orgasm. That's my vagina. It's called “Idina.”
Hipster chick's friend: Isn't she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina's green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It's not green. It's the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick's friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You're so fucked up.. –American Airlines Theater Overheard by: Hannah

See, This Is Why You're in Advanced Placement Classes.

Girl #1: My dad's Facebook picture is of my sister's dog, so whenever he calls me, a photo of the dog shows up and I always want to be like “Rah! Woof!” when I answer it.
Girl #2: You should make the ringtone a dog barking! So it's like it's real that the dog is calling you! –Chelsea Overheard by: Katherine

Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building's pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war? –Soho

Tonight on BallBusters

Guido: I want to see if I can kick his balls through his hat.
Girl: Through his hat?
Guido: Yeah, they'd have to go through his brain and skull first, though.
Guy #1: I'm pretty sure they'd get stuck like halfway through his abdomen.
Guy #2: They'd probably burst, actually. –A Train Overheard by: Brian

Ms. Potter Is Kiln Herself

Indie guy #1: Yeah, man, the lady in the computer lab at school is weird.
Indie guy #2: How so?
Indie guy #1: She told me she hasn't been to sleep in two days… And her eyebrows were singed. –Central Park

The Man Says What We're All Thinking

PA announcement: The MTA would like to remind you that if you see something, say something.
MTA employee, muttering to self: If you see somethin, say nothin', then run like hell. –Penn Station

After a Day Of Dealing with Park Slope Kids, We'd Be Snotty Too.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk, with super snotty tone: All of our Native American costumes are over there.
Woman: But do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk: These are all of our Native American costumes.
Woman: You don't have any Indian costumes?
Clerk: Do you mean Indian from India?
Woman: Yes.
Clerk: Oh. Well, those are over here. –Park Slope Overheard by: elainemonkey

How'd You Know?

Hippie chick: After choir, I'm going downtown for a five rhythms meeting.
Sleepy woman: Huh?
Hippie chick: Five rhythms. It's like dance meditation.
Sleepy woman: Free your mind, and the rest will follow? That kinda shit?
Hippie chick: Yup. The rhythms are flowing, staccato, lyrical, chaos and stillness.
Sleepy woman: And with your powers combined, you make captain planet? –A Train