Archive for March, 2011

Every Stairway Has Two Sides, Dear Reader

Fat black woman going down the stairs to skinny white teen: It's called going up one side, fucking idiot.
Skinny white teen: It's called a diet. Try it some time.

–86th St & Lexington

Overheard by: RunAwayComebacks


Is This Racist? Discuss.

Thug, bumping into suit rushing up the escalator: Watch where you going, nigga!
Suit: Now there's the pot calling the kettle black!

–Lexington & 53rd St


You're On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Jessica


Figures That the Chicken Lady Went to Barnard

Barnard girl #1: No, if he gave birth to babies, he's not a man.
Barnard girl #2: Yes he is! He identifies as a man!
Barnard girl #1: I can identify as whatever the hell I want, that doesn't make it true. Watch. I'm a chicken. Poof! See? It didn't work.

–116th St

Overheard by: Barnard Bear


Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick's friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she's having an orgasm. That's my vagina. It's called “Idina.”
Hipster chick's friend: Isn't she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina's green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It's not green. It's the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick's friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You're so fucked up..

–American Airlines Theater

Overheard by: Hannah


See, This Is Why You're in Advanced Placement Classes.

Girl #1: My dad's Facebook picture is of my sister's dog, so whenever he calls me, a photo of the dog shows up and I always want to be like “Rah! Woof!” when I answer it.
Girl #2: You should make the ringtone a dog barking! So it's like it's real that the dog is calling you!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine


So the Loser Gets Her

8th grader #1, pointing to girl next to him: Let's have a rap battle about her!
8th grader #2: No! She's too ugly!

–L Train

Overheard by: Brett


Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building's pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war?

–Soho


Tonight on BallBusters

Guido: I want to see if I can kick his balls through his hat.
Girl: Through his hat?
Guido: Yeah, they'd have to go through his brain and skull first, though.
Guy #1: I'm pretty sure they'd get stuck like halfway through his abdomen.
Guy #2: They'd probably burst, actually.

–A Train

Overheard by: Brian