Archive for March, 2011

You're On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease. –1 Train Overheard by: Jessica

Figures That the Chicken Lady Went to Barnard

Barnard girl #1: No, if he gave birth to babies, he's not a man.
Barnard girl #2: Yes he is! He identifies as a man!
Barnard girl #1: I can identify as whatever the hell I want, that doesn't make it true. Watch. I'm a chicken. Poof! See? It didn't work. –116th St Overheard by: Barnard Bear

Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick's friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she's having an orgasm. That's my vagina. It's called “Idina.”
Hipster chick's friend: Isn't she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina's green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It's not green. It's the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick's friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You're so fucked up.. –American Airlines Theater Overheard by: Hannah

Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building's pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war? –Soho

The Man Says What We're All Thinking

PA announcement: The MTA would like to remind you that if you see something, say something.
MTA employee, muttering to self: If you see somethin, say nothin', then run like hell. –Penn Station

After a Day Of Dealing with Park Slope Kids, We'd Be Snotty Too.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk, with super snotty tone: All of our Native American costumes are over there.
Woman: But do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk: These are all of our Native American costumes.
Woman: You don't have any Indian costumes?
Clerk: Do you mean Indian from India?
Woman: Yes.
Clerk: Oh. Well, those are over here. –Park Slope Overheard by: elainemonkey

How'd You Know?

Hippie chick: After choir, I'm going downtown for a five rhythms meeting.
Sleepy woman: Huh?
Hippie chick: Five rhythms. It's like dance meditation.
Sleepy woman: Free your mind, and the rest will follow? That kinda shit?
Hippie chick: Yup. The rhythms are flowing, staccato, lyrical, chaos and stillness.
Sleepy woman: And with your powers combined, you make captain planet? –A Train

Girls from Jersey Should Not Dare Throw Stones.

Coffee shop girl: So where do you live?
Coffee shop guy: Oh… Uh… East…
Coffee shop girl: Don't you dare say you live in East Williamsburg. You live in fucking Bushwick. –Hick & Union, Carroll Gardens Overheard by: i love this girl.

Oh, Leave Renee Zellweger Alone!

Woman boarding bus to the driver: Are you Asian?
Obviously Asian driver, not understanding: No.
Woman: Oh, okay. (gets on) –FangWah Bus, Chinatown Overheard by: Aly

Raise Your Hand If You'd Give Them Their Own Reality Show.

Man: Don't worry about what I've got in my pocket, worry about what's in your pocket. I see you've got nothing on your back.
Woman: Betsey Johnson! I got Betsey Johnson on my back! $350 dollar jacket, motherfucker, you were 78th in your high school class, get a GED! –Douglass Houses