Archive for March, 2011

But How Would a Dog Tell the Truth, Anyway?

Young dude #1: What is it they say about sleeping dogs?
Young dude #2: That you should let them lie.
Young dude #1: No, I think it was something else…
Young dude #2: Like what? What else does a sleeping dog *do*?
Young dude #1: Yeah… I can see your point. But what does that saying mean?
Young dude #2: It means: don't do whatever fucked-up thing you were thinking of doing. –3 Train

How About a Big Kiss?

Starbucks cashier: Just to let you know, we don't have any coffee today.
Dude, confused: What do you have? –Starbucks

…According to Our Family Chore Board.

Dad to whining kids: Kids, you need to lay off the whining. If anyone is going to be whining today, it's going to be daddy. –Lincoln Center Overheard by: Jennifer, an amused passerby

…You Understandify What I'm Sayering?

Annoying girl: I want to live by myself in one of those split, condo-ish, house things… You know, it's like where the house is in two parts right next to each other?
Friend: A duplex.
Annoying girl: Yeah, that's right; a two-plex. –Union Square Overheard by: lisabeth

The Natives Are Rootless

Desperate-sounding tourist, lost in Chinatown: Excuse me, do you know where the subway is?
Girl #1: Er, no, sorry!
Girl #2: Well congratulations, you finally look like a native.
Girl #1: Actually, I think this means I look like a white person who speaks English. –Bowery & Hester

And Any Number Of Additional Holes

Goth chick #1: You wanna go out Friday?
Goth chick #2: I ain't got no money. Well, I do, but I'm saving up for a tattoo.
Goth chick #1: Oh, you finally got a job?
Goth chick #2: No. But a woman at an interview told me I should take the rings out of my lip if I want a professional job. So I'm gonna. I mean I'm 22 I need to grow up.
Goth chick #1: And the nose ring?
Goth chick #2: No way! I may have to grow up but I still have style. –F Train Overheard by: wigguynyc

Is It a Grande or a Venti Baby?

Old woman to pregnant woman walking out of Starbucks, coffee in hand: What is it?
Pregnant woman, looking at her coffee: It's a grande vanilla skim latte.
Old woman: No, I mean is it a boy or a girl?
Pregnant woman: Oh! I don't know, actually.
Old woman, disapprovingly: You're drinking coffee?
Pregnant woman: It's decaf.
Old woman: Oh, then it's okay. –58th St & Lexington Overheard by: Katie H

A Guy Who Really Loves You Never Comes at All

Guy: I heard that if a guy comes really quick it's a complement.
Girl: That's a lie.
Girl sitting on bench, shouting in: Yup, definitely a lie! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Girl on Bench

Wednesday One-Liner Is Still Jenny from the Block

Conductor: This as an uptown 6 train heading to the Bronx, also known as "The Boogy Down." –6 Train Old Jewish retired NYPD man on cell: You want me to come out there to fix that. That's expensive. (pause) What kinda Jew are you? Oy vey! (pause) Yeah, the Bronx. (pause) That's dangerous shit, that's Jennifer Lopez territory. –Post Office, Williamsburg Teenage guy to pet owner whose dog has just relieved herself on curb: You gonna pick that up? This ain't the Bronx, you know. –33rd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Noah Jenda Mother to her child: Going to the Bronx zoo isn't just a natural experience, its a cultural experience. –Bronx Zoo